[Verse 1]
I'm down at my hometown's library, saw this girl, she was half naked
Sittin' on the floor next to the poetry section
Exactly where i was headed, so I could check out
Some Rudyard Kipling, or T.S. Eliot
She gives me the eye, and she knows that I felt it
My member's swellin' and my legs is meltin'
Next she asks me if I can help her with somethin'
"Um, of course. don't even mention it"
She walks in the direction of the quiet study rooms
So, soon, we can do a private tutoring session
She close the door, and asks me a question
What do I think of the shape that her a** is in?
I had already ran an inspection; I said "Your booty's majestic
Shining, shimmering, splendid
I'm gonna get up in there and upend it
I'ma wreck it when I get it, I'ma vivisect it"
And I said it on record, you heard a flow like this ever?
Double a**onance 28 times in 50 seconds; I'm a legend
[Verse 2]
She hops on the table, somethin' falls out her bag
A book, and not one from the library stacks
Yo, my heart stopped when I saw the title
A personalized copy of the holy bible
("Now what was I to do?")
I'm fidgeting around, and staring at my shoes
She's puttin' slander on her own gender
I know what it says in the Leviticus chapter
"Menstruation is unclean, and so are female babies"
But I f**ed a girl on her period last Wednesday
And y'all don't understand how great it was
The sight of my own dick, covered in blood
Thinking back on it makes me want to masturbate
But the bible would call that a damnable mistake
How can they say my favorite hobby is evil?
For that matter, how can they persecute gay people?
And all the ways that christians protest science
They're the enemy of progress, the enemy of enlightenment
And I know that there are good christians too
But the bible villifies polyester and seafood
So how can you take the bible seriously?
It was written two millennia before heliocentricity
And yeah folks of different faiths have got to get along
But imagine the church reacting to my other songs
Play "High School Orgy" to a pastor
He'd start callin' me a poor lost ba*tard
Hittin' me with his rosary like a whip
But I'm all "Don't stop, father, I like it"
I don't know how much time had pa**ed
Before I snapped back, and remembered where I was at
In the library with this beauty queen
Who's spreadin' her legs like Moses spread the seas
And then she wraps 'em around me
Starts leanin' forward like she's ready to go down on me
And for a moment I consider it
But I've got this feeling, in the pit of my stomach
She hopped back down and pressed her body up to mine
And said "Enough foolin', it's time to break my spine"
But I stood there, frozen
Actually pa**in' up an opportunity for bonin'
She didn't get it, she asked me how I felt
I said I'm DTFM, Down To f** Myself
...So peace out on it, homie