A beard will never talk back
A beard is more attractive when it's hairy and fat
A beard will stick by you when a woman won't
A beard looks better with age
Women don't
You can attack your beard with a razor it'll keep comin back
You can stroke your beard all night
It'll never get tired
And a beard will never up and leave you
And attach itself to some other guy
No, a beard will do what you want
It will always behave
A beard will never ask you to shave
If you throw up all over your beard, your beard won't mind
A beard won't care if you're sh** in the sack
And a beard will never get together with the other beards
And talk about you behind your back
No, a beard won't get angry or jealous or weird
If it sees you looking at another man's beard
A beard will never go and start having s** with some guy from her work
And then try and turn that sh** around
By telling you it's your fault
'Cause you never paid any attention to her feelings...
A beard won't turn and walk away
A beard will be with you all the day
I'll take a beard over a woman any old day
I said I'll take a beard over a woman any day
Beards!