My mom called sounding way too sounding way too nice
Talking way too slow, way too crushed
Speaking way too long, sentence drag on
Ended with the word "biopsy"
Shannon called, said "Hey" I said "Hi"
Then she started to cry
I'm standing at the window looking up into the sky
Told her not to worry but my mind racing with the words "why not me", I
Got home with a secret in the air
The way they all stared
The pair of my parents brought me up and told me there
And my eyeballs leaked
Warm on my cheek
So I hide behind the sheet
He came up, and he climbed in
Wrapped him tight, and we both wept
Which I won't forget, cause at thirteen
He told me it would be okay
Like I- was the one
Who'd be, dead in a short twenty months
Who'd be, pumped full of chemotherapy
My body burning up like the sun
Who'd be, having dreams that it was Christmastime
And we found out he had days to live
So my parents said, "Hey, well that's alright, now
I guess that we can return his gifts"
And in the same dream, he watched me and her
Open presents up, on the twenty-fifth
But it was six months later on the twenty-fourth
He last exhaled, no buts, ands, or ifs
And if I wrote like the child that I was before
I'd probably say he pa**ed like a spliff
If I felt like the child that I was before
I'd probably try to jump off a cliff
But I watched him fight, so hard
To be alive's just as much a burden
As it is a blessing
Want to close the book with a Smith and Wesson
But the page is turning
I ain't ask for this, I ain't want to be born
But I'm in too deep to be cut off now
They think I don't get it. Nobody
Hit the emergency shut-off valve
I tell them "I don't want your f**ing advice
Used to carry my little brother up twelve stairs
Like every night, seven nights
Catastrophic coverage on health care
You need to know that you're wasting your breath
Go talk to someone you can still mold
My homies think they need to guide my steps
No offense you ain't know what I know
I think I know what I'm doing (hey, hey, hey)
I know what I'm doing
I'm all set
I know I know what I'm doing (hey, hey, hey)
And questions I still have, I ain't answer yet
But none of you know either
Share your expertise, I know you're very wise
But people please
I need you to cease
Feeding me your advice
And leave me in peace
I think he would come here
(I think he would come here)
In my dreams I hold so dear
(Dreams I hold so dear)
If only my subconscious was clear
(Subconscious was clear)
But it burns like a pyre at the end of a pier
(Hey)
So I don't know when he's going to appear (I)
I think he would come here
(I-I think he would come here)
In my dreams I hold so dear
(Dreams I hold so dear)
If only my subconscious was clear
(Subconscious was clear)
But it burns like a pyre at the end of a pier
(Hey)
So I don't know when he's going to appear (I)
But I think I know what I'm doing (hey, hey, hey)
I know what I'm doing
I'm all set
How I know what I'm doing (hey, hey, hey)
Cause questions I still have, I ain't answer yet
And none of you know either
Share your expertise, I know you're very wise, hey
But people please
I need you to cease
Feeding me your advice
And leave me in peace, hey
Way too nice
I think he would come here
Hit the emergency shut-off valve
But the page is turning
Leave me in peace
Burning up like the sun
Looking up into the sky
Looking up into the sky
Looking up into the sky