If I went to a private school
I'd be into Tibetan cooking
If I went to a private school
I'd be vain, cerebral, much better looking
If I went to a private school
I'd live at d**h's door
With painters and musicians
And the deliberately poor
I'd reject society's mores from my garret in Berlin
My girlfriend would be thin.
If I went to a private school
If I went to a private school
If I went to a private school
I'd gun run in Bahrain
I'd live in a New Orleans dosshouse
Feelin' the Blues Man's pain
I'd hang with my separatist lesbian friend with piercings in her labia
She's had a thing for me since the year 12 formal at Xavier
We'd have a child, go running wild on the mean streets of New York
You can eat out of dumpsters but still know how to hold your fork
I'd spend a year in a crack den, non compos mentis
When the h**n got too much, well dad knows a good dentist
My photographic exhibition would be called The Devils Cache
It would spell Barosian Hell, I wouldn't pronounce the 'H'
I'd be shortlisted at Cannes with my film about a Bible toting k**er;
I'd stay in the family villa.
If I went to a private school
If I went to a private school
If I went to a private school
I'd track with sherpas in Kathmandu
I'd commune with the Zulu,
I'd take part in a violent coup
I wouldn't obsess about petrol,
I wouldn't care about the interest rate
I wouldn't live in a suburban box with sport as my opiate
If I went to a private school, I wouldn't be like you
Your life's a plague, I'm L'Étranger, I read that in Camus
If I went to a private school, I'd be impetuous, spontaneous
If I went to a private school, I'd eschew domestic bliss
If I went to a private school, I'd be beautiful and dangerous
Hang on -- I did go to a private school.
Why'd I turn out like this?