If I went to a private school I'd be into Tibetan cooking If I went to a private school I'd be vain, cerebral, much better looking If I went to a private school I'd live at d**h's door With painters and musicians And the deliberately poor I'd reject society's mores from my garret in Berlin My girlfriend would be thin. If I went to a private school If I went to a private school If I went to a private school I'd gun run in Bahrain I'd live in a New Orleans dosshouse Feelin' the Blues Man's pain I'd hang with my separatist lesbian friend with piercings in her labia She's had a thing for me since the year 12 formal at Xavier We'd have a child, go running wild on the mean streets of New York You can eat out of dumpsters but still know how to hold your fork I'd spend a year in a crack den, non compos mentis When the h**n got too much, well dad knows a good dentist My photographic exhibition would be called The Devils Cache It would spell Barosian Hell, I wouldn't pronounce the 'H' I'd be shortlisted at Cannes with my film about a Bible toting k**er; I'd stay in the family villa. If I went to a private school If I went to a private school If I went to a private school I'd track with sherpas in Kathmandu I'd commune with the Zulu, I'd take part in a violent coup I wouldn't obsess about petrol, I wouldn't care about the interest rate I wouldn't live in a suburban box with sport as my opiate If I went to a private school, I wouldn't be like you Your life's a plague, I'm L'Étranger, I read that in Camus If I went to a private school, I'd be impetuous, spontaneous If I went to a private school, I'd eschew domestic bliss If I went to a private school, I'd be beautiful and dangerous Hang on -- I did go to a private school. Why'd I turn out like this?