Princeton
What do you do with a B.A. in English?
What is my life going to be?
4 years of college
And plenty of knowledge
Have earned me this useless degree!
I can't pay the bills yet
'Cause I have no sk**s yet
The world is a big scary place!
But somehow I can't shake
The feeling I might make
A difference to the human race!
Kate
Morning Brian!
Brian
Hi, Kate Monster
Kate
How's life?
Brian
Disappointing
Kate
What's the matter?
Brian
The catering company laid me off
Kate
Oh, I'm sorry
Brian
Me too! I mean, look at me!
I'm 10 years out of college
And I always thought...
Kate
What?
Brian
No it sounds stupid
Kate
Oh c'mon!
Brian
When I was little
I thought I would be
Kate
What?
Brian
A big comedian on late-night TV!
Kate
Oh
Brian
But now I'm 32 and as you can see
I'm not
Kate
Nope
Brian
Oh well
Kate
Mm mm
Brian
It s**s to be me!
Kate
Noo...
Brian
It s**s to be me!
Kate
No!
Brian
It s**s to be broke, and unemployed, and turning 33!
It s**s to be me!
Kate
You think your life s**s?
Brian
I think so
Kate
Your problems aren't so bad
I'm kinda pretty
And pretty damn smart
Brian
You are
Kate
Thanks
I like romantic things like music and art
And as you know I have a gigantic heart
So why don't I have a boyfriend?
fu*k!
It s**s to be me!
Brian
Me too!
Kate
It s**s to be me!
Brian
It s**s to be me!
It s**s to be Brian
Kate
And Kate
Brian
To not have a job
Kate
To not have a date
Both
It s**s to be me!
Rod/Nicky arguing
Brian
Hey Rod, Nicky, can you settle something for us. Do you have a second?
Rod
Oh, certainly
Kate
Whose life s**s more, Brian's or mine?
Rod and Nicky
OURS!
Rod
We live together
Nicky
We're close as people can get
Rod
We've been the best of buddies
Nicky
Ever since the day we met
Rod
So he knows lots of ways to make me really upset!! Oh!
Every day is an aggravation
Nicky
C'mon that's an exaggeration
Rod
You leave your clothes out
You put your feet on my chair
Nicky
Oh yea? You do such an*l things like ironing your underwear!
Rod
You make that very small apartment we share, a hell!
Nicky
So do you, that's why I'm in hell too!
Rod
It s**s to be me!
Nicky
No it s**s to be me!
Kate
It s**s to be me!
Brian
It s**s to be me!
All
Is there anybody here it doesn't s** to be?
It s**s to be me!
Interlude
Christmas Eve
Why you all so happy?
Nicky
'Cause our lives s**!
Christmas Eve
Your lives s**?
I hearing you correctly? Ha!
I coming to this country for opportunities
Try to work in Korean deli
But I am Japanese!
But with hard work I earned two master's degrees!
In social work
And now I a therapist!
But I have no clients!
And I have an unemployed fiancé
And we have lots of bills to pay!
It s** to be me!
It s** to be me!
I say it s**a, s**a, s**a, s**a
s**a, s**a, s**a, s**a, s**a
s**a, s**a, s**a, s**!
It s** to be me!
Princeton
Uh excuse me
Sorry to bother you, but I'm looking for a place to live
Christmas Eve
Why you looking all the way out here?
Princeton
Well, I started in Avenue A
But so far everything's out of my price range
But this neighborhood looks a lot cheaper
Oh and look, a "For rent" sign!
Brian
You need to talk to the superintendent
Let me get him
Princeton
Great! Thanks!
Brian
YO GARY!!
Gary Coleman
I'm coming! I'm coming!
Princeton
Oh my God it's Gary Coleman!
Gary Coleman
Yes I am!
I'm Gary Coleman
From TVs "Different Strokes"
I made a lot of money
That got stolen by my folks!
Now I'm broke, and I'm the bu*t of everyone's jokes!
But I'm here, the superintendent
On Avenue Q!
All
It s**s to be you!
Kate
You win!
All
It s**s to be you!
Brian
I feel better now!
Gary Coleman
Try having people stopping you to ask you
"Whatch-you talkin' 'bout, Willis?"
It gets old
All
It s**s to be you!
On Avenue Q!!
s**s to be me!
On Avenue Q!
s**s to be you!
On Avenue Q!
s**s to be us
But not when we're together!
We're together here on Avenue Q!
We live on Avenue Q!
Our friends do too
Till our dreams come true!
We live on Avenue Q!
Princeton
This is real life!
All
We live on Avenue Q!
Nicky
You're gonna love it!
All
We live on Avenue Q!
Gary Coleman
Here's your keys!
All
Welcome to Avenue Q!