Brian:
What do you do with a B.A. in English?
What is my life going to be?
4 years of college
And plenty of knowledge
Have earned me this useless degree!
I can't pay the bills yet
'Cause I have no sk**s yet
The world is a big scary place!
But somehow I can't shake
The feeling I might make
A difference to the human race!
Kate:
Morning Brian!
Brian:
Hi, Kate Monster
Kate:
How's life?
Brian:
Disappointing
Kate:
What's the matter?
Brian:
The catering company laid me off
Kate:
Oh, I'm sorry
Brian:
Me too! I mean, look at me!
I'm 10 years out of college
And I always thought...
Kate:
What?
Brian:
No it sounds stupid
Kate:
Oh c'mon!
Brian:
When I was little
I thought I would be
A big comedian on late-night TV!
But now I'm 32 and as you can see
I'm not, oh well
It s**s to be me!
It s**s to be me!
It s**s to be broke, and unemployed, and turning 33!
It s**s to be me!
Kate:
You think your life s**s?
Brian:
I think so
Kate:
Your problems aren't so bad
I'm kinda pretty
And pretty damn smart
Brian:
You are
Kate:
Thanks!
I like romantic things like music and art
And as you know I have a gigantic heart
So why don't I have a boyfriend?
fu*k!
It s**s to be me!
Brian:
Me too!
Kate:
It s**s to be me!
Brian:
It s**s to be me!
It s**s to be Brian
Kate:
And Kate
Brian:
To not have a job
Kate:
To not have a date
Both:
It s**s to be me!
Rod/Nicky arguing
Brian:
Hey Rod, Nicky, can you settle something for us if you have a second?
Rod:
Oh, certainly
Kate:
Whose life s**s more, Brian's or mine?
Rod and Nicky:
OURS!
Rod:
We live together
Nicky:
We're close as people can get
Rod:
We've been the best of buddies
Nicky:
Ever since the day we met
Rod:
So he knows lots of ways to make me really upset!! Oh!
Every day is an aggravation
Nicky:
Come on that's an exaggeration
Rod:
You leave your clothes out
You put your feet on my chair
Nicky:
Oh yeah? You do such an*l things like ironing your underwear!
Rod:
You make that very small apartment we share, a hell!
Brian:
So do you, that's why I'm in hell too!
Rod:
It s**s to be me!
Nicky:
No it s**s to be me!
Kate:
It s**s to be me!
Brian:
It s**s to be me!
All:
Is there anybody here it doesn't s** to be?
It s**s to be me!
Christmas Eve:
Why you all so happy?
Brian:
'Cause our lives s**!
Christmas Eve:
Your lives s**?
I hearing you correctly? Ha!
I coming to this country, for opportunities
Try to work in Korean deli
But I a Japanese!
But with hard work I earned two master degrees!
In social work
And now I am therapist!
But I have no clients!
And I have unemployed fiancé
And we have lots of bills to pay!
It s** to be me!
It s** to be me!
I say it s**a, s**a, s**a, s**a
s**a, s**a, s**a, s**a, s**a
s**a, s**a, s**a, s**!
It s** to be me!
Princeton:
Uh excuse me
Sorry to bother you, but I'm looking for a place to live
Christmas Eve:
Why you looking out here?
Princeton:
Well, I started in Avenue A
But so far everything's out of my price range
But this neighborhood looks a lot cheaper
Oh and look a for rent sign!
Brian:
You need to talk to the superintendent
Let me get him
Princeton:
Great! Thanks!
Brian:
YO GARY!!
Gary Coleman:
I'm coming! I'm coming!
Princeton:
Oh my God it's Gary Coleman!
Gary:
Yes I am!
I'm Gary Coleman
From TVs diff'rent strokes
I made a lot of money
That got stolen by my folks!
Now I'm broke, and I'm the bu*t of everyone's jokes!
But I'm here, the superintendent
On Avenue Q!
All:
It s**s to be you!
Kate:
You win!
All:
It s**s to be you!
Brian:
I feel better now!
Gary:
Try having people stopping you to ask you
Whatchu talkin' 'bout Willis?
It gets old
All:
It s**s to be you!
On Avenue Q!!
s**s to be me!
On Avenue Q!
s**s to be you
On Avenue Q
s**s to be us
But not when were together!
We're together here on Avenue Q!
We live on Avenue Q!
Our friends do too
Till our dreams come true!
We live on Avenue Q
Princeton:
This is real life!
All:
We live on Avenue Q
Nicky:
You're gonna love it!
All:
We live on Avenue Q
Gary:
Here's your keys!
All:
Welcome, to Avenue Q!