I was riding into work today
On a f**ing Citibike
And I'm pa**ing some slow a** piece of sh**
And I always make a lot of room when I pa**,
Because you never f**ing know when the guy you're pa**ing
Is going to f**ing swerve toward you
And I thought I had looked behind me
Because I usually do
Because there's a lot of f**ing maniacs
On the f**ing bike path by the f**ing Hudson
But I guess I didn't
Because just as I'm pa**ing this slow a** motherf**er on my right
Here comes this f**ing speed f**ing racer,
Gives me maybe f**ing two inches on my left
As he pa**es me and the slow a** f**ing guy
And I gasped like a girl
Seriously, I gasped like a little f**ing, f**ing little girl
Like if those guys on the Jersey f**ing Shore would have heard me
They would have thought their opinion of my s**ual orientation
Would have been f**ing indisputably proven
So this f**ing Lycra wearing f**ing piece of sh**
Pa**es me and I think
I should f**ing catch up to him
And pa** him, giving him plenty of f**ing room
And say to him:
This is how you pa** people, you f**ing piece of sh**.
But this f**ing piece of sh**
Is on a ten speed
And I'm on a f**ing slow a** Citibike
And I'm maybe 20, 25 years older than Lycraf** over here
And what the f** do I f**ing care any f**ing way
What the f** am I trying to f**ing prove
I'll just keep riding to the f**ing office
And write a f**ing poem about this f**ing piece of sh** later
That's what I thought
I'll write a poem about you later, Lycraf**
And I watched his stupid f**ing Lycra covered a**
Speed away on that f**ing 10-speed
And I thought
Thank you, f**face
Thank you for another f**ing poem.