It would be easier to get by
If I were just addicted to d**
But the only way I really feel high
Is by hitting a fix of your love
Letting you get away wasn't the first time
That I did something dumb
Now, the only thing that's still alive
For me is that vision of us
But I know that in your eyes, I'm not sufficient enough
To get you thinking of love ever being fitting for us
And that's pretty hard to swallow; it's trickling in tough
I intake it as I got to like the drink in this cup
Ignorance is bliss
Knowledge knows no mercy
A reason for another sip
If it's not because I'm thirsty
Actually, f** that sh**
Another bottle wouldn't hurt me
It's much less dense, this liquor
Than the sorrow I'm immersed in
so it just goes over my head
like it's a wave and i'm a surfer
but ends up drowning me instead
like a self inflicted murder
except I don't end up dead
perhaps to let me suffer further
I try to recall the last thing she said
and wonder why she don't find me worthy
I know I'm an alcoholic but never saw this as a problem
Because back in Viet Nam we always drank at family bondings
And sure baby girl has asthma, but I have an addiction
I bet it wouldn't even matter if I just smoked a couple quick ones
So she thinks she wasn't good enough
For me to even give that up
But never understood as much
It wasn't 'cos she isn't loved
I was just dealing with a lot of sh**
And never received the how to be a father kit
No one ever taught me how to raise a kid in Canada
Sometimes I feel like she'd be better off
If her father figure were a mannequin
That way, maybe it would have spared her some of the bruises
And she wouldn't have to be convinced that
All marriage is prone to be ruined
But this is me, speaking from now
'cos back in the day, I never knew this
And for damn sure if I did
I would have never put her through it
Maybe that's why they left me
'cos they were tired of being neglected
And so they cut off, disconnected
Damn, I should have paid attention
But this liquor
And maybe i shouldn't have fallen into slumber and left her alone with my friend in the kitchen
Whatever happened, I never wondered 'cos I never noticed since then she's been different
And maybe she never spoke about it because she knew I wouldn't have k**ed him
That f**ing sick son of a b**h
My neglect kept me out of prison
If I had known what had went on
I would have grabbed his throat and slit it
Maybe this is where she gets it
My psychopath lead to my children
Maybe that's why they left me
Because they find daddy too crazy
They've seen what daddy's gotten into
And ain't tryna be related
But the craziest thing I've done
Is I've waited
Twenty years much too late
To tell my daughter she's sacred
Twenty years much too late
To tell her she's gold and not silver
But there are more skeletons in her closet than years on her body who stop the message from being delivered
The many men she went through
Trying to fill the void I established
Never gave her what she needed
But turned her heart to ice like magic
And the freeze got to her eyes
So when she looked, she couldn't find
Herself
Beautiful
She can't be blamed for what she's gone through
Only in her memories do the bruises show
Nobody can see them or speak on their behalf
Except I, who started the pattern
I wish I could take it all back
But baby girl, I can't reverse it
No matter how much I would love to
Just know I never meant to hurt you
And that I will always love you