Ten days in Bali, got four days to go
Ten days of terror, 'coz I'm glued to the throne
And I'm sh**tin' in litres and firin' both ends
I'll never sh** solid again
And it's cost me a fortune for this holiday
'stead of pissin' it up, Christ I'm sh**tin' it away
'coz I'm glued to the loo while me mates are out ragin'
I'll never sh** solid again
I'll never sh** solid again!
Or hold anything down for as long as I live
'coz me arse is jammed open from freckle fatigue
I'll never sh** solid again
I called Mum back home, she said mix up a cup
Of cornflour and Gravox to thicken it up
Then she pissed herself laughin' and hung up the phone
I'll never sh** solid again
Just had a crap and I'm wipin' me ring
Haven't quite finished, start spewin' again
Used the same piece of paper to wipe off me chin
I'll never sh** solid again
I'll never sh** solid again!
So I'll rig up a hosepipe to stick up me ring
So at least when I fart I won't splatter me jeans
I'll never sh** solid again
I'm doin' cartwheels as I'm tryin' to guess
A crap or a chunder, Christ what's comin' next
Will it spray through me fingers or run down me leg?
I'll never sh** solid again
Slipped on some sh** a foot thick on the floor
Skid arse over tit, then I spewed a bit more
Now, I gotta sit through it 'coz me denture fell in
I'll never sh** solid again
I'll never sh** solid again!
Me ring's hangin' out and me guts 'ave caved in
I'll be buried in a bucket, and me mates will all sing
"He'll never sh** solid again"