hi I have an anxiety disorder
and just to make this crystal clear, it isn't the bullsh** you see on the Internet
no, it's not the feeling in your stomach when you're about to perform in cla**
it definitely isn't your hands shaking before you see your crush
and it is definitely not the loss of breath after you run
no
it's 2am panic attacks
when your body shakes and sweats
when you can't even talk because to push out words is too hard
it's the weird looks people give you when you're sitting on the bathroom floor during 3rd period
it's the inability to talk about certain subjects without your brain going into overdrive
no, it's not the f**ing stuff you see on Twitter or tumblr
it's scary, it's every f**ing fear you've ever had combined
it's not being able to control your thoughts
so you spiral
down
down
down
you're at the darkest point
until you can't even really see the light anymore
it's dark, cold, and lonely.
and when you reach the point when people start saying you're faking it,
that's the scariest part.
you're f**ing terrified
and alone
and you can't get out of this hole you accidentally dragged your self into.
they say it's your fault
and you blame yourself because deep down you know it is.
your mind slipped and fell
you did this.
and you hate yourself for it.