Don't ever tell me what my f**ing anxiety is
Don't tell me its me getting nervous
or me getting scared of something simple
like talking to my crush
or making a presentation
Don't tell me its an act of attention
or that its my fault
You think i want this?
No i f**ing don't want to pa** out when it gets too hard
No i don't want to miss cla** because i failed to act like a normal human
I can't f**ing help it
I wish i could get away from it
i would do anything
not to be a freak
or a popper
or dépendant on everyone else around me
id love to be able to talk about my future without feeling like i won't have one
or not having to worry about collapsing
not my legs shaking and giving out
or me tripping
no
my fear is that ill collapse mentally
under the pressure
or the stress
My fear is that my mind will shut down
slowly slipping into oblivion
falling apart into pieces
I wish i could be alone
but i need someone
to distract me from my f**ing mind
the one thing i can't f**ing escape
if i can't have someone, i need something
to make my thoughts illegible
unable to be understood by myself
if I'm sober
its a f**ing trap
I fall into this void
I'm surrounded
by unescapable thougts
fears
nightmares
Im surrounded
by the stench of the cologne my dad used to use after he f**ed his who*e
I'm surrounded
by voices of the girls who used to tell me i should've pulled the trigger
I'm surrounded
by things i wish i could forget
I wish i could forget the my best friend wanted to k** herself
or that i was a failed abortion
or that i was never good enough for him
i dont want to be scared of my thoughts anymore
i don't want to feel like the only way out of this is
taking too many sleeping pills
or pulling a trigger
I want it to stop
the constant battle
to live or not to live
I want to fall in love with the oxygen in my lungs
I don't want to be afraid of myself
or what ill do if I'm to sober
i want to be normal
i want to be normal
i want to be normal