[Verse 1]
Mom gets home, she closes the door
She sees something bad, sees it on the floor
So she tastes it and she gets a bad feeling
It's all over the floor, the walls, and the ceiling
So she marches upstairs and walks into my room
She says, "Clean this up," and she hands me a broom
She asks, "What is this?" and I say, "Don't play dumb,"
"Don't you know, Mom, that this is all my cum?"
[Hook]
Cause I'm fapping, on the door you're tapping
You think I'm napping, I'm really jacking off
I keep tissues in my room but I don't have a cough
Cause all I really want to do is jack off
[Verse 2]
All I do is look at p**n
I've been jerking off since the day I was born
I like blonde girls, big girls, black girls, white girls
I like all girls, I even like baby girls
Never do my homework, I'm failing geography
The only thing I do is watch child p**nography
[Hook]
Cause I'm fapping, on the door you're tapping
You think I'm napping, I'm really jacking off
I keep tissues in my room but I don't have a cough
Cause all I really want to do is jack off
[Verse 3]
Someone s** my radioactive balls
If you need s**ual favors, you know who to call
Put me on speed-dial, #69
I'm looking for my dick, it's so hard to find
I'm talking 'bout f**ing, I'm thinking 'bout f**ing
I went to school for professional trucking
Jerking off is smelling and f**ing is tasting
I spent eighteen hours today playing Crash Team Racing
If you're old enough to read, my dick she doesn't need
I shouldn't be a babysitter, I forget to feed
If she's old enough to walk, if she's old enough to talk
She's way too old for my big-a** co*k
If I don't masturbate someone dies
I like to cum in yo' mama's pies
Sometimes I wish that my dad was dead
So finally my mom could give me head
My dentist has hair on the tip of his dick
He puts it in my mouth then he gets sick
The moral of the story is "Let me f** you"
"Let me fill your a** with glue"
[Hook]
Cause I'm fapping, on the door you're tapping
You think I'm napping, I'm really jacking off
I keep tissues in my room but I don't have a cough
Cause all I really want to do is jack off
(x3)
[Aside]
I really hope no one is home right now, I'm yelling really loud