All stark and cold the merchant lay,
All cold and stark lay he.
And who hath k**ed the fair merchant?
Now tell the truth to me.
Oh, I have k**ed this fair merchant
Will never again draw breath;
Oh, I have made this fair merchant
To come unto his d**h.
Oh, why hast thou k**ed this fair merchant
Whose corpse I now behold?
And why hast caused this man to lie
In d**h all stark and cold?
Oh, I have k**ed this fair merchant
Whose kith and kin make moan,
For that he hath stolen my precious time
When he useth the telephone.
The telephone bell rang full and clear;
The receiver did I seize.
"Hello!" quoth I, and quoth a girl,
"Hello! . . . One moment, please."
I waited moments ane and twa,
And moments three and four,
And then I sought the fair merchant
And spilled his selfish gore.
That business man who scorneth to waste
His moments sae rich and fine
In calling a man to the telephone
Shall never again waste mine!
And every time a henchwoman
Shall cause me a moment's loss,
I'll forthwith fare to that office
And stab to d**h her boss.
Rise up! Rise up! thou blesséd knight!
And off thy bended knees!
Go forth and slay all folk who make
Us wait "One moment, please."