Franklin P. Adams - The Ballad of the Murdered Merchant lyrics

All stark and cold the merchant lay, All cold and stark lay he. And who hath k**ed the fair merchant? Now tell the truth to me. Oh, I have k**ed this fair merchant Will never again draw breath; Oh, I have made this fair merchant To come unto his d**h. Oh, why hast thou k**ed this fair merchant Whose corpse I now behold? And why hast caused this man to lie In d**h all stark and cold? Oh, I have k**ed this fair merchant Whose kith and kin make moan, For that he hath stolen my precious time When he useth the telephone. The telephone bell rang full and clear; The receiver did I seize. "Hello!" quoth I, and quoth a girl, "Hello! . . . One moment, please." I waited moments ane and twa, And moments three and four, And then I sought the fair merchant And spilled his selfish gore. That business man who scorneth to waste His moments sae rich and fine In calling a man to the telephone Shall never again waste mine! And every time a henchwoman Shall cause me a moment's loss, I'll forthwith fare to that office And stab to d**h her boss. Rise up! Rise up! thou blesséd knight! And off thy bended knees! Go forth and slay all folk who make Us wait "One moment, please."