My name is Swaggart
I am an a**hole
All my friends
They call me 'Jim'
(Hi, Jim!)
I'm from Louisiana
I make lots of money
But I f**ed up
And commited a sin
Come out here to Californy
Just to find me
Some pretty girls
(No sh**!)
The ones I seen
Gets me so horny;
Ruby lips
'N teeth like pearls!
Wanna love 'em all!
In the name of Jesus!
Wanna pretty girl—
I'll even pay!
I'll buy 'em furs!
I'll buy 'em j**elry!
I'll never f** them;
Here's what I say:
I'm lonesome Cowboy Jim!
(Speakin' atcha!)
I only give 'em the tips of him!
(Posin' atcha!)
My cowboy pants
My cowboy dance
My bold advance
On this here prostitute . .
Yodel-oh-oo-pee-hey
Yodel-oh-oo-pee!
(He's lonesome Cowboy Jim
Look at the tip of him!)
Come on in this place
'N I'll buy you a taste
You can sit on my face—
Where's my prostitute/waitress?
Swaggart, Swaggart redneck (thank you!)
Swaggart, Swaggart redneck (yessir!)
I'm an awful nice guy! (so you say)
I sweat all day in the sun! (oh yeah, yeah)
I'm a preacher by trade
Quite a bundle like me
And I'm a feature ol' mumble-mumble
Son-of-a-gun!
(He's a unionized roofin' old
Son-of-a-gun!)
Fill in the blank!
When I get off, I get
When I get off, I get
When . . . I, I, I, I
And then, Sharkey says:
When I get off (pfft!)
I get sinful
(Just the tip! Only the tip now, come on)
I spoo
Till I goo
On the rug
Then I find me
Some eighteen ninety-five Luiann—, Louisiana style prostitute
And make her do p**nographic stunts while I watch
And I have
So much fun
Jay-zus! Jay-zus!
(p**nographic stunts and I have so much fun)
(What?)
I huff
And I puff
(Hratche-plche
Hratche-plche)
And I pump up my sanctified erection
Till my cheeks
Puff up
An' turn red
Along with my neck
(Say, varmint!)
I drool
On my shirt
Takes a little while before I squirt
But I've been doin' it for twenty years and they haven't caught me yet
UH-OH!
Made a mistake this time!
Now I've sinned
Everybody!
(What an a**hole!)
Made a mistake and I sinned, uh!
Made a mistake and I sinned, ow!
Made a mistake and I sinned, what?
Made a mistake and I sinned
Lonesome Cowboy Jim!
(Sinnin' atcha!)
Come smell this fringe-y shirt!
(Grinnin' atcha!)
My cowboy pants
My cowboy dance
My bold advance
On this here prostitute . .
Yodel-oh-oo-pee-yeh
Yodel-oh-oo-pee!
(HE'S LONESOME COWBOY JIM/SCOTT
BOO-HOO-HOO-HOO
Don't you dare to laugh at him/swat)
(Oh, tune me in now)
Come on in this place
An' I'll buy you a taste
'N you can sit on my face—
Where's my prostitute?
OPAL, YOU HOT LITTLE b*tch!