Frank Zappa - Lonesome Cowboy Burt (Swaggart Version) lyrics

My name is Swaggart I am an a**hole All my friends They call me 'Jim' (Hi, Jim!) I'm from Louisiana I make lots of money But I f**ed up And commited a sin Come out here to Californy Just to find me Some pretty girls (No sh**!) The ones I seen Gets me so horny; Ruby lips 'N teeth like pearls! Wanna love 'em all! In the name of Jesus! Wanna pretty girl— I'll even pay! I'll buy 'em furs! I'll buy 'em j**elry! I'll never f** them; Here's what I say: I'm lonesome Cowboy Jim! (Speakin' atcha!) I only give 'em the tips of him! (Posin' atcha!) My cowboy pants My cowboy dance My bold advance On this here prostitute . . Yodel-oh-oo-pee-hey Yodel-oh-oo-pee! (He's lonesome Cowboy Jim Look at the tip of him!) Come on in this place 'N I'll buy you a taste You can sit on my face— Where's my prostitute/waitress? Swaggart, Swaggart redneck (thank you!) Swaggart, Swaggart redneck (yessir!) I'm an awful nice guy! (so you say) I sweat all day in the sun! (oh yeah, yeah) I'm a preacher by trade Quite a bundle like me And I'm a feature ol' mumble-mumble Son-of-a-gun! (He's a unionized roofin' old Son-of-a-gun!) Fill in the blank! When I get off, I get When I get off, I get When . . . I, I, I, I And then, Sharkey says: When I get off (pfft!) I get sinful (Just the tip! Only the tip now, come on) I spoo Till I goo On the rug Then I find me Some eighteen ninety-five Luiann—, Louisiana style prostitute And make her do p**nographic stunts while I watch And I have So much fun Jay-zus! Jay-zus! (p**nographic stunts and I have so much fun) (What?) I huff And I puff (Hratche-plche Hratche-plche) And I pump up my sanctified erection Till my cheeks Puff up An' turn red Along with my neck (Say, varmint!) I drool On my shirt Takes a little while before I squirt But I've been doin' it for twenty years and they haven't caught me yet UH-OH! Made a mistake this time! Now I've sinned Everybody! (What an a**hole!) Made a mistake and I sinned, uh! Made a mistake and I sinned, ow! Made a mistake and I sinned, what? Made a mistake and I sinned Lonesome Cowboy Jim! (Sinnin' atcha!) Come smell this fringe-y shirt! (Grinnin' atcha!) My cowboy pants My cowboy dance My bold advance On this here prostitute . . Yodel-oh-oo-pee-yeh Yodel-oh-oo-pee! (HE'S LONESOME COWBOY JIM/SCOTT BOO-HOO-HOO-HOO Don't you dare to laugh at him/swat) (Oh, tune me in now) Come on in this place An' I'll buy you a taste 'N you can sit on my face— Where's my prostitute? OPAL, YOU HOT LITTLE b*tch!