I have fought a Grizzly Bear
Tracked a Cobra to its lair
k**ed a Crocodile who dared to cross my path
But the thing I really dread
When I've just got out of bed
Is to find that there's a Spider in the bath
I've no fear of Wasps or Bees
Mosquitoes only tease
I rather like a Cricket on the hearth
But my blood runs cold to meet
In pyjamas and bare feet
With a great big hairy spider in the bath
I have faced a charging Bull in Barcelona
I have dragged a mountain Lioness from her cubs
I've restored a mad Gorilla to it's owner
But I don't dare face that tub ...
What a frightful looking beast -
Half an inch across at least -
It would frighten even Superman or Garth!
There's contempt it can't disguise
In the little beady eyes
Of the Spider sitting glowering in the bath
It ignores my every lunge
With the backbrush and the sponge;
I have bombed it with 'A present from Penarth'
It just rolls into a ball
Doesn't seem to mind at all
And simply goes on squatting in the bath
For hours we have been locked in endless struggle
I have lured it to the deep end by the drain
At last I think I've washed it down the plughole
Here it comes a-crawling up the chain!
Now it's time for me to shave
Though my nerves will not behave
And there's bound to be a fearful aftermath
So before I cut my throat
I shall leave this final note;
Driven to it - by the Spider in the bath!