Flanders & Swann - The Spider lyrics

I have fought a Grizzly Bear Tracked a Cobra to its lair k**ed a Crocodile who dared to cross my path But the thing I really dread When I've just got out of bed Is to find that there's a Spider in the bath I've no fear of Wasps or Bees Mosquitoes only tease I rather like a Cricket on the hearth But my blood runs cold to meet In pyjamas and bare feet With a great big hairy spider in the bath I have faced a charging Bull in Barcelona I have dragged a mountain Lioness from her cubs I've restored a mad Gorilla to it's owner But I don't dare face that tub ... What a frightful looking beast - Half an inch across at least - It would frighten even Superman or Garth! There's contempt it can't disguise In the little beady eyes Of the Spider sitting glowering in the bath It ignores my every lunge With the backbrush and the sponge; I have bombed it with 'A present from Penarth' It just rolls into a ball Doesn't seem to mind at all And simply goes on squatting in the bath For hours we have been locked in endless struggle I have lured it to the deep end by the drain At last I think I've washed it down the plughole Here it comes a-crawling up the chain! Now it's time for me to shave Though my nerves will not behave And there's bound to be a fearful aftermath So before I cut my throat I shall leave this final note; Driven to it - by the Spider in the bath!