Mama got a call from the Principal's office
"Better get down here fast
'Cause Mandy pa**ed out when her water broke in the middle of geometry cla**"
Her mama didn't know she was nine months late
Been gettin' on her 'bout gainin' weight
And now she's a grandma
Somebody had a baby
Somebody had a breakdown
Oh, it's a big day
In a small town
Willy Smith swore he wouldn't miss one more
Of Junior's football games
Got his twelve-pack o' Bud and his Friday night buzz
Headin' south in the northbound lane
Junior's the endzone, halfback pitch
Willy's sittin' upside-down in a ditch
And the crowd goes wild
Somebody rent a pitch
Somebody score a touchdown
Oh, it's a big day
In a small town
There ain't no mall, no waffle house
But there's always somethin' to talk about
Around here, somebody shot a deer
Somebody's gettin' married, buried, or carried away
The sun comes up
And the sun goes down
Ah, it's a big day
In a small town
Rumour goin' 'round about a methodist man
And a jailbait checkout queen
His wife caught wind of unspeakable sin
Goin' down on Aisle 13
She left all the chicken in the fryin' pan
Drew all the kids in the grand caravan
With a baseball bat
Somebody went to Wal-Mart
In nothin' but a night-gown
Oh, it's a big day
In a small town
There ain't no mall, no waffle house
But there's always somethin' to talk about
Around here, somebody shot a deer
Somebody's gettin' married, buried, or carried away
The sun comes up
And the sun goes down
Ah, it's a big day
In a small town