Four and twenty virgins came down from Inverness
When the ball was over, there were four and twenty less
Chorus
Balls to your partner, Arse against the wall
If you canna get \ on a Saturday night
You canna get \ at all
The bride was in the bedroom, a talking to the groom
The front! the front!! And not the back's the entrance to the womb
Chorus
The queen was in the parlor, eatin' bread and honey
The king was in the chambermaid, and she was in the money!
Chorus
The deacon's wife, well she was there, with her bu*t against the wall
Put your money on the counter boys, I'm gonna convert you all
Chorus
There was \\ in the kitchen and \\ on the stones
Ya' couldna hear the music for the \\ and the groans
Chorus
The village butcher he was there, a cleaver in his hand
And every time he turned around, he circumcised the band
Chorus
The village blacksmith, he was there, his balls were made of bra**
And when they clacked together, lightning shot out from his a**
Chorus
Cedric the Fiddler, he was there, 'tis true I tell you so
He entertained the ladies while he rosined up his bow
Chorus
Hawke the Balladeer was there, drunken as a lout
Strummin' on his instrument to see what would cum out
Chorus
The village chandler, he was there, filling in the cracks
His hand was in the honey comb, his wick was in the wax
Chorus
Some horny Vikings they were there, along with Eric the Red
They wore their horns inside their pants, instead of on their heads
Chorus
The Clan MacRaven, they were there, all around the keep
They ate up all the haggis, and they buggered all the sheep
Chorus
The letter carrier he was there, the poor man had the pox
He couldna \ the la**ies, so he \ the letter box
Chorus
The village cripple, he was there, I did not like him much
He lined them up against the wall, and \\ with his crutch
Chorus
The village drunkard, he was there, boisterous and loud
He was swinging from the chandelier and whizzin' on the crowd
Chorus
The village idiot he was there, can you imagine that?
Amusing himself by abusing himself and catchin' it in his hat
Chorus
The village \\ she was there, she \\ \ \\
And every time she \ \\, \ \\ closed the door
Chorus
When the ball was over, everyone confessed
The music was exquisite, but the f**kin' was the best
Chorus
Chorus