There was a lonely guy named Robert
Who was feeling kind of down
So he got himself a coffee…
(“C’mon, he’s depressed, he wouldn’t drink coffee…”)
There was a lonely guy named Robert
Who was feeling kind of down
So he got himself a beer
(“Sown, drown, clown…”)
So he got himself a beer
And he saw a weird clown
(“No, it’s weird…”)
So he got himself a beer
And then he started to drown
(“Mhm”)
[*shakes head*]
So he got himself a beer
And he made a weird sound… Caw!
So he got himself a beer
And then he was wearing a gown
So he got himself a beer
And then he had a nervous breakdown
(“Oh, I got it…”)
There was a lonely guy named Robert
Who was feeling kind of down
So he got himself a beer
And he sat there with a frown
His girlfriend just broke up with him that day
So things were not okay
So he got himself an Uber
(“Wait, Robert’s broke…”)
So he got himself a Lyft without any hesitation
Driver said, “Where are you going?”
“I don’t have a destination”
He said, “That’s pretty weird,
Why would you order a car if you don’t know where you gonna go?
Are you stupid or something? What the f- is wrong with you?”
(“It’s way too aggressive…”)
Driver said, “Where are you going?”
I don’t have a destination
He said, “I know a nice bar that has great booze”
(“I don’t know what rhymes with booze. What rhymes with booze?”)
He said, “I know a nice bar that has great booze”
“I’m a big fan of Tom Cruise”
So he got himself a Lyft without any hesitation
Driver said, “Where are you going?”
“I don’t have a destination”
He said, “I know a nice bar that has great booze”
“Well, I have nothing to lose”
So he got out of the car and made his way inside the bar
The driver out the window yelled “please give me five stars”
He then sat down to get a drink from the bartender by the sink
That’s when he saw the very thing that changed his whole reality
And oh, it was the prettiest face in the world
She was unlike any other girl
She smiled and her teeth were white as pearls, oh yeah
Like any other girl
So he got up from his seat cause his heart skipped a beat
It was time to change his day
He knew just the thing to say
He said “hey”
She said “hey”
He said “hey”
He said “sorry to interrupt”
Robert walked back to his seat
As he accepted his defeat
Then he finished up his beer
As he lost all of his cheer
Then he felt the hand upon his shoulder
As the air grew even colder
She said before he drank another
“Sorry about what happened with my brother”
“I thought that was your man”
“It’s just my brother Dan”
“Hey Dan”
“Hey man”
So he got right up off of his chair
Then he ran his fingers through her hair and…
[*Receives Text Message: “I think we should break up”*]
There was a lonely guy named Robert
Who was feeling kind of down
So he got himself a beer
And he sat there with a frown
His girlfriend just broke up with him that day
But things will be okay