Rudy Mancuso - Musical Fiction lyrics

There was a lonely guy named Robert Who was feeling kind of down So he got himself a coffee… (“C’mon, he’s depressed, he wouldn’t drink coffee…”) There was a lonely guy named Robert Who was feeling kind of down So he got himself a beer (“Sown, drown, clown…”) So he got himself a beer And he saw a weird clown (“No, it’s weird…”) So he got himself a beer And then he started to drown (“Mhm”) [*shakes head*] So he got himself a beer And he made a weird sound… Caw! So he got himself a beer And then he was wearing a gown So he got himself a beer And then he had a nervous breakdown (“Oh, I got it…”) There was a lonely guy named Robert Who was feeling kind of down So he got himself a beer And he sat there with a frown His girlfriend just broke up with him that day So things were not okay So he got himself an Uber (“Wait, Robert’s broke…”) So he got himself a Lyft without any hesitation Driver said, “Where are you going?” “I don’t have a destination” He said, “That’s pretty weird, Why would you order a car if you don’t know where you gonna go? Are you stupid or something? What the f- is wrong with you?” (“It’s way too aggressive…”) Driver said, “Where are you going?” I don’t have a destination He said, “I know a nice bar that has great booze” (“I don’t know what rhymes with booze. What rhymes with booze?”) He said, “I know a nice bar that has great booze” “I’m a big fan of Tom Cruise” So he got himself a Lyft without any hesitation Driver said, “Where are you going?” “I don’t have a destination” He said, “I know a nice bar that has great booze” “Well, I have nothing to lose” So he got out of the car and made his way inside the bar The driver out the window yelled “please give me five stars” He then sat down to get a drink from the bartender by the sink That’s when he saw the very thing that changed his whole reality And oh, it was the prettiest face in the world She was unlike any other girl She smiled and her teeth were white as pearls, oh yeah Like any other girl So he got up from his seat cause his heart skipped a beat It was time to change his day He knew just the thing to say He said “hey” She said “hey” He said “hey” He said “sorry to interrupt” Robert walked back to his seat As he accepted his defeat Then he finished up his beer As he lost all of his cheer Then he felt the hand upon his shoulder As the air grew even colder She said before he drank another “Sorry about what happened with my brother” “I thought that was your man” “It’s just my brother Dan” “Hey Dan” “Hey man” So he got right up off of his chair Then he ran his fingers through her hair and… [*Receives Text Message: “I think we should break up”*] There was a lonely guy named Robert Who was feeling kind of down So he got himself a beer And he sat there with a frown His girlfriend just broke up with him that day But things will be okay