Verse 1:
Knew it the moment I saw u
Everything became clear
My life won't be the same
It'll be a strange year
You were lookin exhausted
From drinkin eight beers
I could feel ur pain
Every time u see the dang mirror
So there you sat
All alone in the midst
Of other fat buffet regular
Gross looking pigs
I finally , built the courage
To blow u a kiss
Knowin you'd never let me go
Cause I know u exist
So I got up, done eating
Ready to leave
I'm headed to my car now
The big red SUV
If anybody's comin with me
Dont forget to go pee
Eh, I started drivin home
Like where the heck could she be?
Til I slammed on the brakes
And she flew off of the roof
But she landed safely
Cause she filled her pockets with food
I was breathless
Watching you waddle and move
Its so funny! suddenly
Our eyes lock like glue
You ran toward me, ooh
Nothin could stop my boo
I said, "You could be a model
If you probably lose
Like 200 pounds
But who's gonna count?"
I was the one
"You knew what u found, huh?"
It was true love
Chorus:
I know there's lots of pretty chicks all over the world
But instead of me tryna make one of em "My Girl"
I'ma get a... penny piece
An ugly fat chick
Who's really insecure
And unattractive
She'll be my girl, my girl, my girl
You'll never leave
You'll always be "My Girl"
No matter, matter, matter
What I do
You're always gonna be
My girl
Verse 2:
We've grown strong
From being together so long
I've got to know all her pros
But there's no cons
I never offer my jacket
For her to hold on
When the cold comes
She was born with her coats on
The other day
She got home real late
She called me up, "Oh hey
The cars broken babe."
"Alright sweety plumpkin
I won't close the gate
Now walk safe."
See, I know she won't get raped
I can have my friends over
Every night after dinner
I never gotta worry
They'll never try to get wit her
"Does dress make look fat
Or I look thinner?"
"No babe, YOU'RE fat
But I like how it fits ya."
She blots her eyes out with glitter
'fore we get something to eat
And if she has a rough day
I let her rub my feet
See it's fun to be
With a disgusting beast
These are just some of the reasons
That I love her, kehe!
I'm won-der-ing
If she gon want a ring
She better propose soon
Or Ima dump her leave
Her bu*t
She, as planned
Fell on one of her knees
And asked me
"Did you want your pizza crust?"
"Chorus"
Bridge:
Your thighs are wide
And ur moles are blehh (Moles are blehh)
I'm gonna be your
Number one
You're not the type of girl
Who gives up just like that
Oh, no
Verse 3:
I said yes and ever since
We've been so happy
It's evident you're heaven sent
I leave my goals gladly
What's happens then? we'll reminisce
A year ago that we
Said We'll have a kid, eleven men
Here we go Patty!
We started going out more
You need some more acne
People staring babe
U supposed to be a gross fatty
And why'd u shave?
Without ur beard ur so nasty
U even know your jeans are broke?
I see ur toned flashy
bu*t stickin out, what is it now
U gon cover ur mouth
Someone gets u mad
U not be cuss'in em out?
U gonna use your feet?
And not have em up on the couch?!
Your gonna use teeth
And not just s** it all down
Oh, and one solid color babe?
Why your real hair
I suppose at Walmart
You're not gon drive a wheel chair?
And try the samples
But never buy the meals there!
Well, I'll kneel in prayer
Cause I don't know you anymore
You're not the person I married
But for better or worse
So I'll preserve and carry
This relationship
Hope I steady the rough seas
But didn't have to cause
You died from, guess what disease
All that hard work
And I get a dud JEEZ!
Other fish in the sea but
No women as ugly
Fat girls and heart attacks
It'd been a tough week
So back to the buffet
Let's get another chunk of meat!
"Chorus"
End:
I could punch you in the face
And fart in your eyes
But wouldn't worry cause you're still gonna be (my girl)
Since I'm a pirate, I could tie ya
To the front of my boat
You'd be a real life figure head and still be (my girl)
I could buy a treadmill for ur birth-
Day but if you
Got in shape I wouldn't want you to be (my girl)
After we travel the world
My friends and I will tell you bout it
You said u wanna be a stay at home (my girl) "no, MOM!"