I’m tied down, I’m locked up
I don’t make independent decisions, but my wife says that I don’t miss it
My old friends, they don’t call
In fact this weekend they’re riding ski-doos, while I’m taking my kids to three zoos
But the third zoo isn’t exactly a zoo
It’s a family counselor dressed like a raccoon
I’m a family man, living life according to a family plan
I just found somebody’s feces on my head
I grab a towel that’s monogrammed
‘Cause I’m a family man
I don’t have, a dream job
I bust my bu*t everyday from 9 to 5 to finance the dreams of my kids and wife
And my wife, has a business idea
She wants to sell these teeny-tiny hats, made especially for little baby cats
Notice that I didn’t say kitten
My wife says that a baby cat is something different
I’m a family man
We all don’t fit in a sedan
My last child, that spawn of Satan, was unplanned
Please cut my vas deferens
I’m a family man
I’m a family man