Rhett & Link - Family Man lyrics

I’m tied down, I’m locked up I don’t make independent decisions, but my wife says that I don’t miss it My old friends, they don’t call In fact this weekend they’re riding ski-doos, while I’m taking my kids to three zoos But the third zoo isn’t exactly a zoo It’s a family counselor dressed like a raccoon I’m a family man, living life according to a family plan I just found somebody’s feces on my head I grab a towel that’s monogrammed ‘Cause I’m a family man I don’t have, a dream job I bust my bu*t everyday from 9 to 5 to finance the dreams of my kids and wife And my wife, has a business idea She wants to sell these teeny-tiny hats, made especially for little baby cats Notice that I didn’t say kitten My wife says that a baby cat is something different I’m a family man We all don’t fit in a sedan My last child, that spawn of Satan, was unplanned Please cut my vas deferens I’m a family man I’m a family man