[Verse 1: Puff Puff]
I don't know if you're aware, but your kids s** a**
You need someone to whip 'em then, ha, just ask
Cuz', they ain't as perfect as you say is
They ain't perfect at all
You raisin' Bebe's kids!
I'm sorry, I don't know you, I don't mean to get pissy
But you need to discipline your bratty kids, you hippy!
Like, "Come here, you little jerk, taste the back of my palm"
"But you ain't my daddy!"
"Nah, but I'm DOIN' YA MOM"
You THINK that they're angels, but they're driving me insane
I'll punch a baby in the face just for crying on a plane
Cause I don't mess around
You need to control them or I'll lose it
"But I made you a drawing"
Shut the f** up kid, that's stupid
Now I'mma get my truck and unload all my boys in back
I'mma find out where you live and break all your toys in half
And I know it ain't your birthday, but when nobody's lookin'
I'mma give you a little present
"What?"—AN ASS-WHUPPIN'!
[Hook: Your Favorite Martian]
Please may I whip your kids?
Please may I whip your kids?
Please may I whip your kids?
Please may I whip your kids?
Please may I whip your kids?
Please may I whip your kids?
Please may I whip your kids?
Please may I whip your kids?
[Verse 2: Puff Puff]
I never thought I'd say a kid deserved to get hit
But it's obvious, time-out ain't workin' for sh**!
I've seen your parenting style, it ain't all that
You gotta hit the little brat with a whiffle ball bat
This is obviously more than a youthful rebellion
You gotta belt the little Hellions with a belt when they yellin'
You don't want me to do it, cause I'll paint their f**ing brains all over the wall
When I spank 'em with a chainsaw
Why they all wild and loose?
If they deserve the a**-whuppin', it ain't child abuse
When I'm trynna buy groceries
And they're muckin' up my style
They're like drunken little midgets
Runnin' up and down the aisle
Touchin' everything in sight, and Jesus for Christ's sake
I think one of 'em just stuck his little penis in my cake!
Now I have to go back and get a new one and it bugs me
"Mommy says I'm beautiful"
Shut the fu*k up kid, you're ugly
[Hook]
Please may I whip your kids?
Please may I whip your kids?
Please may I whip your kids?
Please may I whip your kids?
Please may I whip your kids?
Please may I whip your kids?
Please may I whip your kids?
Please may I whip your kids?
[Bridge: Nice Peter]
Please, let me whip your children
Please, let me whip yo' kids
I can't stand kids misbehavin'
Runnin' around and disobeyin'
All they need is a kick in the pants
A punt in the bu*t, a lesson that'll finally shut 'em up
Please, let me whip your children
Please, let me whip yo' kids
[Hook]
Please may I whip your kids?
Please may I whip your kids?
Please may I whip your kids?
Please may I whip your kids?
Please may I whip your kids?
Please may I whip your kids?
Please may I whip your kids?
Please may I whip your kids?
[Outro]
Oh come on people, it's a joke
We would never hit anyone's kid, come on!
I love kids...
Come here and give me a hug you little rugrats!
Hey, what the—what?