I try not to think too much
No thoughts, head empty, is my status 24/7
Here’s why
Sometimes my thoughts just get too much
And they overflow like lava
I spend endless nights at 3am awake
Trying to convince myself that it’s not a bother
I count my fingers to distract myself, locate my pulse and find a beat
Count numbers in my head because they’re more neat
Sometimes I look crazy cos I shake my head randomly
But i’m just trying to get my thoughts to stop trying to get to me
But it’s really not that easy, as much as i’d like to lie and say it is
Sometimеs I can’t escape myself and mysеlf is the worst thing to deal with
I’m grasping at the straws, trying to pick up the remains of my sanity
If there’s any left to salvage from what’s left of who i used to be
I feel like i’m falling apart more each day
And i’m never getting better
But i can’t kill myself cos i hate pain
And I still haven’t finished my letter
30 chapsticks gone and done, my favourite TV show finished months ago
But i’m still here, for whatever reason
Maybe it’s time that i let go
I struggled with self harm for months on end
The blade at that time was my best friend
But even it couldn’t give me my desire
To finally be able to admit that i’m too tired
Too tired, the metaphor
For something that you can’t ignore
But honestly most days, I do
I push it out of sight
But then it comes back at night
The pills sit at the bottom of my bag
Waiting for the time to appear
Some nights i’ve sat and looked at them
And wondered what it would feel like to just disappear
I feel like i’m falling apart more each day
And i’m never getting better
But i can’t kill myself cos i hate pain
And I still haven’t finished my letter
30 chapsticks gone and done, my favourite TV show finished months ago
But i’m still here, for whatever reason
Maybe it’s time that i let go