I am William Wallace
My life was a mystery
Some say born twelve seven two
Some say twelve sixty three
Was dubbed Malcolm of Paisley
Maybe Alan from Aire
Did I have a wife or no?
Do you really care?
They say I had a big, red beard
But all you need to know
I was a Scottish rebel
And the English were my foe
William Wallace, Scottish rebel!
This is war I cried!
Many English fought me
And many English died!
I took against the English
Back when I was fairly wee
'Cause an Englishman called Selby
Bullied my whole family
It upset me, so I struck him dead
Well, wouldn't you?
Then an English sheriff came along
Guess what, I k**ed him too!
They say he k**ed my wife
So he deserved what he got
Then England's King Ed came for me
Ooh, I'm scared! Not!
William Wallace, Scottish rebel!
Possibly six feet seven
But all that really matters is
I sent Englishmen to heaven!
Forty thousand English came
To Stirling Bridge for me
They had to cross a narrow bridge
To get to us, you see
We held them off, pushed them back
It was no contest
Bridge collapsed, hundreds drowned
Of course I k**ed the rest!
I celebrated Stirling Bridge
Another Scottish win
By decorating my sword
With the English general's skin
William Wallace, Scottish rebel!
Scottish legend too
Fought for Scottish freedom
Was a hero through and through
Here's where my rebel story comes unstuck
At Falkirk defeated, I'd run out of luck
Spent seven years playing hide and seek
Captured, sent to London, tried for treason
What a cheek!
King Ed hanged me, then a lovely touch
Pulled my guts out, guess he didn't like me much!
William Wallace, Scottish rebel!
In Scotland my heart lived
Though sadly, my head wound up
On a spike on London Bridge!
Ooh, that smarts!