Policeman:
Everything your teacher says
Is proved to be a fable
There never was an Arthur
Nor the knights, nor a round table
The lady of the lake
Was just a made up story too
I hate to disappoint you all
But it's not true!
It's not true!
Teacher, though you jibber
You're just a great big fibber
There was no Excalibur
Teacher:
Galahad?
Policeman:
No such lad
Teacher:
Lancelot?
Policeman:
Lance-not
Teacher:
Guinevere?
Policeman:
Dear, oh dear!
Merlin:
Look at me, I'm real enough!
Policeman:
Not true, Merlin! Disappear!
There were no wizards, so it's clear
That it's not true!
Teacher:
While we're on the subject
I'm afraid I must confess
Though dick Turpin was a highwayman
He never owned Black Bess
And Tutankhamen's tomb
Was never hit by any curse
There never was a dragon slain by George
It gets worse!
Pirates never made their victims
Walk the plank on ships
Sir Walter Raleigh wasn't first
To bring back spuds or chips
Policeman:
Robin Hood and Marian
A made up story too
Outlaws out in Nottingham?
It's not true!
It's not true!
Teach, you're such a liar
Your pants are catching fire
There never was a Friar Tuck
Teacher:
Viking hat?
Policeman:
No horn on that
Teacher:
King Alfred's cake?
Policeman:
Big mistake
Teacher:
It never fried?
Policeman:
The old books lied
Frankly, I deplore ya
I hope these kids ignore ya
'Cause in fact, Queen Victoria
Never said 'We are not amused'
Victoria: (spoken)
Your children think I said what?
Teacher: (spoken)
They think you said "we are not amused", your Highness
Victoria: (spoken)
Really? That's quite funny, isn't it?
Policeman and Teacher:
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
Ha, ha ha!
It's not true, it's not true!
It's not true, it's not true!
It's not true, it's not true!
It's not true!