Horrible Histories - It's Not True lyrics

Policeman: Everything your teacher says Is proved to be a fable There never was an Arthur Nor the knights, nor a round table The lady of the lake Was just a made up story too I hate to disappoint you all But it's not true! It's not true! Teacher, though you jibber You're just a great big fibber There was no Excalibur Teacher: Galahad? Policeman: No such lad Teacher: Lancelot? Policeman: Lance-not Teacher: Guinevere? Policeman: Dear, oh dear! Merlin: Look at me, I'm real enough! Policeman: Not true, Merlin! Disappear! There were no wizards, so it's clear That it's not true! Teacher: While we're on the subject I'm afraid I must confess Though dick Turpin was a highwayman He never owned Black Bess And Tutankhamen's tomb Was never hit by any curse There never was a dragon slain by George It gets worse! Pirates never made their victims Walk the plank on ships Sir Walter Raleigh wasn't first To bring back spuds or chips Policeman: Robin Hood and Marian A made up story too Outlaws out in Nottingham? It's not true! It's not true! Teach, you're such a liar Your pants are catching fire There never was a Friar Tuck Teacher: Viking hat? Policeman: No horn on that Teacher: King Alfred's cake? Policeman: Big mistake Teacher: It never fried? Policeman: The old books lied Frankly, I deplore ya I hope these kids ignore ya 'Cause in fact, Queen Victoria Never said 'We are not amused' Victoria: (spoken) Your children think I said what? Teacher: (spoken) They think you said "we are not amused", your Highness Victoria: (spoken) Really? That's quite funny, isn't it? Policeman and Teacher: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, Ha, ha ha! It's not true, it's not true! It's not true, it's not true! It's not true, it's not true! It's not true!