Ol' Saint Nick's got bourbon breath
It's so cold you could catch your d**h
A cop sold me some crystal meth
It's a Merry f**ing Christmas
Everything's so Christmas-y
The streets are twinkling with frozen pee
My priest just sat on Santa's knee
It's a Merry f**ing Christmas
All the kids go to bed each night to dream what Santa brings 'em (brings 'em)
Unless they're Jewish or m**m or some other gyp religion
Crappy toys flying off the shelves
Midgets dressed up to look like elves
Spread good cheer or burn in hell
It's a Merry f**ing Christmas
All the kids go to bed each night to dream what Santa brings 'em
Unless they're Jewish or m**m or some other gyp religion
Cracklin' fires to keep me warm
And my collection of Asian p**n
Cradle my bells and work my horn
It's a keep on truckin', last year s**in', midget chuckin', slap the puckin', how much wood could a wood chuck chuckin', Merry f**ing Christmas
HO HO HO!
Shut up! *slap noise*