[Hook + Intro] Everybody loves the fat man
And oh how the fat man can love (x4) Yo, the fat man, clean, chick
Don't mess with me or I'll blow up like a damn landmine
And cut in front of a black man in the KFC line
Well, at least I even graduated from College
Cuz those first twelve grades didn't give me no damn knowledge
And you could even set a world record
How bout "how many times can you get your head bit off by a golden shepherd"
Or "how many offensive things can you put in a rap song"
(I don't know, like 25?) Come on, chick, let's all sing-along
On stage, the ladies gon' all throw they bras
Except for when they realized I broke the law
When I took a hiatus from rapping, I got a 9-to-5
You brothers better be glad I'm even alive
That was hard, harder than me watching Lauren
While she's getting poked by a thorn
Eating candy corns, and it's not even Halloween
And I thought she was a he when she stood up to take a wee-wee
The police siren go wee-wee, let's go
There was this one young a** fellow
He did a lot of h**n, the name I can't say
And he was really mellow, but his brain was gone to mush, like f**ing Jello, he was so gay
And his favorite band was N'Sync
He would listen to "Bye Bye Bye" while in the skating rink
And he would always threaten to snipe me with a heat-seeker
And he would smash my damn face on top of a parking meter
[Hook]
[Verse Two]
Did you drink booze and apple juice
That's the best mix when you see Tom Green hump a dead moose
I hate when I hear someone got arrested
Then I think "how many offensive jokes can I make before I get arrested?"
And my old house is infested
With some rhymes I never had
One rhyme was called "I Have A Dad"
That sounded sad
And if it did, I'm glad
I mean, that would be rad
What if pouring salt on a snail
Would get you 25 to life in jail
Everybody hates the fat man
But they love the skinny
Man, I'm seeing all yellow
God damn it, Pooh, The, Winnie
Saying gold digger more times than Kanye West
When I got a lot on my mind, I just count sheep, I go to rest
I don't know what anything means
The only thing restoring me is crying myself to sleep
My car broke down and I'm walking down the road
My luck, I crash the god damn car in drunk mode
Then I order a mail order bride that I don't even need
Then for the real effect, I do the overload on weed
Then I take a real big bite of a Big Mac
Breath so f**ing bad you need some kids and a Tic-Tac
Doing a rap battle and my opponents so wack
This dude's disses be hurting my f**ing back
[Hook]