IVY
Hey Romeo...you coming?
JASON
In a sec...
NADIA
Congratulations, Romeo! Dad'll be excited
JASON
Yeah, I'm looking forward to that conversation...
NADIA
Now, don't forget that behind every great man
Is a dimwitted sister who just wants to be fed
Nurse! Who knew? I thought for sure I'd get Peasant Number 8...
Or Jolly Spinstress Number 3
JASON
I know you have more confidence in your acting than that
NADIA
Oh, I do
NADIA
I know a girl full of confidence
Yes, whenever she's full, she's a confident girl
She'll have your piece of pie
Then inhale another ten
There's a thin girl inside her with twelve of her friends
Hips that could bear you a buffalo
JASON
Longhorn?
NADIA
-Ass thats so vast, I could block out the sun
JASON
You know that you're insane
NADIA
I'm a caution for the vain
Mothers say 'Well, dear, there's fat, then there's Jane'
Plain Jane fat a**
Guilty of swallowing Jenny Craig whole
Plain Jane fat a**
Keeping society so ill at ease and loving her role
JASON
Why are you so hard on yourself?
NADIA
Why are you such an overachiever?
BOTH
Meh...
JASON
Dad...
NADIA
Mom...
JASON
Nadia, it's just that I know you'd be happier
NADIA
Okay, kiddo, I didn't spend thousand of dollars on private golf lessons
So you could quit the team soph*more year
JASON
It's mind over matter...
NADIA
...If you keep your mind focused
JASON
We just want you to be happy...
NADIA
...To make us happy
But why can't the fat girl play Juliet?
It's the plumpest of roles, so then why not pick me?
JASON
It's just a stupid show
NADIA
Says the dashing Romeo
Well, I've played a servant for years in a row
But I'll have the last laugh, you bet your a**
Hurt me? You can't! I have mounds of thick skin
Beating high school doesn't last, and someday, I have a hunch
That I'll eat them for breakfast and sh** them for lunch
Plain Jane fat a**
Hungry for love, she's a sensitive soul
Plain Jane fat a**
Keeping society so ill at ease and loving her role
Dad's birthday package arrived
Two weeks late as usual
Here's your birthday check
Financial proof that Dad loves ya
And oh, surprise! A note
'Dear Jason
Please find enclosed
This very thick package that came for you yesterday
I talked to Father Flynn, and he told me you were in
But call anyway when you open it...'
Notre Dame
'We always knew that you'd keep the McConnell flame burning
Love, Dad'
JASON
Hey, what did Dad get you?
NADIA
You mean what did Dad's secretary get me?
These earrings
I think they're slimming...
What do you think?
JASON
Come here