Ladies and gentlemen, when visiting Washington DC, be sure to check out our fine ma**-transit system...
On a cold and gray December morn
Commuters in DC look so forlorn
In the metro (In the metro)
And a tourist asks
"Will the red line take me to the blue?"
Do I look like a freakin' map to you...
Of the metro?
People, don't you understand?
Tourists need a helping hand
Or they'll ride on metro rails all day
Will their memory of DC
Be nothing but the smell of pee?
Comin' from a guy who sits and works on his crochet...
And a woman sighs
'Cause when the train's packed full she starts to dread
Guys treatin' her bu*t like its Wonder Bread
On the metro (On the metro)
And so she tells those guys
"Hey, watch out, don't invade my space!"
But half of them are already to second base
On the metro (On the metro)
Then one day in desperation
She says she'll drive today
She hits the road in her car
Traffic s**s, so she doesn't get far
Before she starts to cry
And when the train goes by, she knows she's wrong
And she misses the chimes as they go "bing-bong"
Doors closing...
On the metro (On the metro)
Just take metro!