Al Miller's heart is a lump of bu*ter
It got that way 'cause he likes the taste of bacon and eggs
Al Miller's been my friend since college
Although they never saw him take cla**es
Al Miller's always been a philosopher
He says stuff like
"Getting drunk with your landlord:
Not a smart thing to do"
"Don't trust a guy who
Keeps his change in his wallet"
Al Miller's wife rides the Nordic-Trac
She Nordic-Trac's while Al eats his bacon and eggs
Al Miller had a weird lump on his elbow
Got it cut off, he never even sat down
Al Miller's always been a philosopher
He says stuff like
"Get a clock radio,
That's the kind of life you're gonna have"
"Don't like your stir-fry?
Send it back"
Al Miller don't cater for gossip
Yet he'll get in a cab and talk Egyptian politics
Won't drink red wine or get an earring
Never went through a phase where he dyed his hair black
Al Miller's always been a philosopher
He says stuff like
"Getting drunk in a hotel?
Well, then you better play 'Lodi'"
He says stuff like
"Bruce, why are you writing a song about me?"
What he should say, as he looks in the mirror, is "I am Al Miller!"