ZDoggMD - Readmission lyrics

Now, um, usually I don't do this but uh.... Go on 'head on d/c 'em with a lil' preview of the readmit.... Now I'm not trying to be rude But hey CHF is k**ing you Lungs congested up with fluid While my census is 32 That's why I'm all up in yo' grill Tryin' ta get ya to a Lasix pill You must be an HMO The way you'll not be payin' the bill D/c to home, whoo hoo Pager gimme that beep beep Bouncing right back to the ER Crackles, wheezing, edema Why do I rush to d/c 'em It's like my 10th readmission Not the sharpest clinician But I thought a CHF patient Oughta eat Kentucky Fried Chicken Sole caregiver's the son I'm like, so what he's 1 There's a freakin' PICC in All he had to do was manage the pump Bounce bounce Bounce bounce Bounce bounce back Bounce bounce Bounce back Now it's like murder she wrote Once I get you out tha' do' PCP is screaming “whoa” And Medicare won't pay no mo' Girl I'm feeling that you're healin' I'm just hoping and wishing All of those bloody BMs Mean a colitis remission So gimme that D/C Poo the color of beet beets Bouncing straight back to the ER Found down in diarrhea Press Ganey score is sub-zero It's just one more readmission No love from the Joint Commission 'Cause my 1-day prednisone taper's Probably why her colon's now missin' D/c creatinine 1 Now it's 7 point something It's the freakin' weekend Who'm I gonna get to place a Quinton? Crystals poppin' on the joint aspiration I guess I missed colchicine on the med reconciliation We got swellin' on the left, he's flaccid on the right The INR is 12 so they'll be paging all night And after the stroke there's the aspiration And after he chokes there's the intubation And round about 4 we hit the nurse's station And take it to the room for defibrillation To the unit now, whoo hoo Ventilator goes beep beep At least he's off of my floor Don't need to see him no more Till I'm subpoena'd for court Let's just prevent readmissions Manage those chronic conditions Need time preparing the handoff Move along to other clinicians Verbal instructions are clear Only if the patient can hear Takes some freakin' tweakin If we're gonna get our peeps to adhere Girl we up on this ward Writing D/C notes Reconciling meds Patients get the heave-ho Bouncing back and forth A revolving door To the readmit We ain't getting paid for