[Intro] EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY! STAN LEE! VERSUS! JIM HENSON! BEGIN! [Verse 1: Stan Lee] Greetings heroes, Stan Lee's here to battle It's the mind behind The Hulk against the geek beneath the Fraggles I'm just your friendly neighborhood writer man with a secret identity of a super MC Whose raps are as dark as my shades, leave you squealing like: MEMEMEMEMEMEME You're in trouble now Jimmy, you dirty old hippie Your beard needs a little bit of snikt, damn skippy Heck, that face on your neck ain't s**y You're one part Sweetums, the other part Skeksis Step up to Lee and get your bu*t kicked Your Muppet Snuffleupagus stuff is bupkis I broke Ferrigno and the Comics Code So keep your frog and pig show moving right along down the road [Verse 2: Jim Henson (Kermit)] I'm glad you got that out (That anger can clutter your mind) But you're a creative man Stanley (Yeah) So let's just leave it behind Cause I can sense your tension, once the verbal fencing starts commencing There is no defense against the dents Jim Henson is dispensing And I'm clenching all your strings like you're a puppet in suspension Call your superhero friends in (Yeah, cause you're gonna need Avenging) Let me mention I'm impressed by all the vision that it took For you to sign your name (On all of Jack Kirby's comic books) [Verse 3: Stan Lee] Nice try, frogman, but Jack was a friend of mine (THWIP) That was a low blow, he did his own Thing And now you've made it clobbering time (SPLONK) Oh, you taught children to count and spell Then you taught your own kids how to drop your wife harder than you flopped on SNL I'm telling you Henson You wouldn't like me when I'm angry, I'm a marvel of a party pooper I'll snap your turtleneck like a Doozer stick and put you out to pasture like Mr. Hooper I'm sorry Jim, sometimes I can't control my rage Honestly, there's a lot of things that you can't control at my age But the truth is I miss ya, you were gone too soon You were like watching a beautiful sunset... At noon [Verse 4: Jim Henson (Kermit)] Ah Stan don't be sad, we all have a time to go (Yeah) Most of the Internet thought that you died 12 years ago But the Four will always be Fantastic, the Hulk will always be Incredible The words you wove within the hearts of heroes are indelible There is no beef between us, we're two minds of the same kind And there is no man who could ever muck with what we've left behind [Verse 5: Walt Disney] (M-I-C) I rock the mic properly (K-E-Y) Turning profits I've got the key I'm the Juggernaut of stacking knots unstoppably The Disneyland-lord of your intellectual property So get back to work, that's my dime you're wasting I didn't buy you for billions so you could play around debating Ah, you belong to Disney, which means you stay busy Cranking out magic and a**embly line whimsy Artists begging me to stop, I won't let 'em! Labor conditions in my shop? I don't sweat 'em! I'm powerful enough to make a mouse gigantic With only 3 circles I dominate the planet Clearly, there's nobody near me I'm owning this battle, in fact, I own this whole series So hop on my Steamboat boys, but don't rock it I'll put a smile on your face, and green in your pocket You'll be safe and insured when you're under my employ Now look at it! Gaze upon my empire of joy!