Zach Sherwin - JAP Battle lyrics

[Audra, played by Rachel Grate] This is real deep beef From way back in the past Deeper than I'll put a foot up In the crack of your a** Come on, let's do this Your little pals can witness how vicious This Westchester alpha b**h is I'm straight up malicious A verbal curb stomper Since we were toddlers I've studied every Chink in your armor And between your folks' divorce And that haircut on you I'm really not sure Which one's the bigger shondeh [Rebecca, played by Rachel Bloom] That means "disgrace" I'm translating for the goys Our life lines have been parallel like corduroys But now, we'll see whose bars will prevail In this beef of two hard-as-nails Shebrews from Scarsdale [Audra] We've got a conflict of interest [Rebecca] I'm about to give Levine the business [Audra] Spittin' venomous hate [Rebecca] Penetrating her defenses [Rebecca and Audra] It's a JAP battle [Darryl] A what? [Chorus] A Jewish American Princess [Audra] Rap battle [Chorus] Daughters of privilege [Audra] Spittin' mad flow [Chorus] Find that term offensive? [Audra] Too bad, yo [Rebecca and Audra] Oh, snap It's a JAP battle rap [Rebecca] Look, academically, you could never catch me You were close, but no match scholastically Nohow, no way I put the "O.G." in "5.0 G.P.A." [Audra] Well, speaking of which, are you A.P. graded? Cause these days you look a bit heavily weighted And all your book crackin' Don't make up for the fact that I'm strapped With that k**er instinct that you lack Sweetheart, here's what You're not understanding, I'm street-smart [Rebecca] You mean, cause you minored in Urban Planning? b**h, I know you That tough act's a bluff So sheket bevaka shut the hell up [Audra] Your temper, you lost it, oh, cute Like you're going to lose this lawsuit Keeping your piehole shut would be quite wise Though you kept it open wide for the AEPI guys [Rebecca] And I banged your hedge fund manager fiancé Back in college over winter holidays Bathroom stall at the matzo ball And honestly I gotta say Really not hot at all Finished quick, rotten lay [Chorus] This is [Rebecca] A JAP battle [Chorus] Bane of my existence [Rebecca] Your rhymes are facile [Audra] From Golden's Bridge [Rebecca] To North Castle [Rebecca and Audra] Wipe you off the map In this JAP battle rap [Audra] Bunch, you're a curse, you're a blight We were frenemies at first spite Think your verse is tight? Then you're tripping like birthright I'll wipe the mirth right off your ugly mug And fill you full of slugs Like a straight up thug [Rebecca] Uh, that word is racist, someone ought to tell you Like me, I belong to the ACLU [Audra] Spare me I'm a card-carrying member Plus, I spent a semester in Kenya, remember? [Rebecca] Well, I volunteered in Ghana [Audra] Well, I guess that makes us equal [Rebecca] Well, it's settled then [Rebecca and Audra] We're both cool with black people [Audra] Cause we're liberals [Rebecca] Duh, progressive as hell [Rebecca and Audra] Though, of course, I support Israel [Rebecca] Audra, wait we share so many traits Should we shake hands and erase the hate Created by our mothers pitting Us against each other for Accolades and grades We were egged on like Seder plates [Audra] Nah In summation You left New York For this sunburnt shtetl Now you're like "Oh, Audra, let's settle" You want to get salty like the Dead Sea? Word, but call off this suit Or you're dead, C-word