EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY! RASPUTIN! VS! STALIN! BEGIN [Verse 1: Grigori Rasputin] Cool mustache, Wario Try messing with the Mad Monk you'll be sorry, yo How many dictators does it take To turn an empire into a union of ruinous states? It's a disgrace what you did to your own people Your daddy beat you like a dog and now you're evil You're from Georgia, sweet Georgia And the history books unfold ya! As a messed up motherf**er bent in the mind Who built a superpower but he paid the price With the endless destruction of Russian lives If you're the man of steel I spit kryptonite! Big dick mystic known to hypnotize I could end you with a whisper to your wife [Verse 2: Joseph Stalin] Look into my eyes you perverted witch See the soul of the man who made Mother Russia his b**h You think I give a f** about my wife? My own son got locked up in prison, and I didn't save his life You got off easy when they pickled that moose co*k! I'd leave your neck in a noose, in a trench, and shot! Your whole family? Shot! All your wizard friends? Shot! Anyone who sold you pierogi? Shot! Starve you for days til you waste away I even crush mother f**ers when I'm laid in state Pride of Lenin took Trotsky out of the picture Drop the hammer on you harder than I b**h slapped Hitler [Verse 3: Vladimir Lenin] I have no pride for you who ruined everything My revolution was doing to stop the bourgeoisie! I fought the bondage of cla**es, the proletariat ma**es Have brought me here to spit a thesis against both of your a**es! Let me start with you there, Frankenstein! Looking like something out of R.L. Stine It's hip hop chowder, red over white Cause the Tsar's wife can't do sh** tonight! And Joseph you were supposed to be my right hand man But your loyalty shriveled up like your right hand, man! Our whole future was bright, you let your heart grow dark And stopped the greatest revolution since the birth of Marx! [Verse 4: Mikhail Gorbachev] Knock knock knock knock Did somebody say birthmarks? Yo I'm the host with the most Glasnost a**holes made a mess and the war got cold Shook hands with both Ronalds; Reagan and McDonald's, no doubt! If your name end with 'in', time to get out! I had the balls to let Baryshnikov dance, playa! Torn down that wall like the Kool-Aid Man Oh yeah! You two need yoga, you need a shower And you all need to learn how to handle real power! [Verse 5: Vladimir Putin] Did somebody say real power? Дa, you want to mess with me? I spit hot borsch when I'm crushing these beats Blow it up like a tuba while I'm balling in Cuba Doing judo moves and schooling every communist сука. I'm a president in my prime, my enemies don't distract me The last man who attacked me, lived a half-life, so comrade come at me You don't know what you're doing When you try to bust a rhyme against a mind like Putin You'll find that the ex-KGB is the best MC in the ex-CCCP!