EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY! DR. SEUSS! Versus! WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE! BEGIN! [Shakespeare] Come bite my thumb! I hope you know the stakes I'll put a slug between your shoulder blades Then ask what light through yonder poser breaks? I hath been iambic on that a** ye ba*tard My rhymes are cla**ic Your crap is drafted by a kindergartner high on acid Ye hoebag You're an old white Soulja Boy who has no swag And no gonads, egads it's so sad And to top it off you're not a doctor I've never seen a softer author You crook, you I bet you wrote the Twilight books too! [Dr. Seuss/Cat In The Hat] I would not could not on a boat Read any of the boring a** plays you wrote Even Horton doesn't want to go hear you And Cindy Lou Who is afraid to go near you You bore people to d**h You leave a cla**room looking like the end of MacBeth I entertain a child of any age You gotta translate what you said on the opposite page How you gonna battle with the Cat in The Hat? Little kids get scared when I step on the mat You think your ruffled neck a** gonna rap to that? I gotta best selling book about me coming back! [Shakespeare] I'm switching up my style Like the Beatles with my pieces Each is such a wonder With a plethora of features You're pathetically predictable You think your new book Might include a tri-syllabic meter And some ghetto muppet creatures The bard is in the building It's a castle, I'm a boss I bet I'm parliament I'm positive I'm k**ing it I'm iller than the plague I never caught or cholera A baller baller On some cricket bowler buisness While you're sitting in the bleachers [Cat in The Hat:] You rap fast you do Yes you rap fast it's true Now let's see how you rap versus Things 1 & 2! [Things 1 & 2:] Oh, no We'll smash your globe Yo, you may have wrote the script But now we running the show You can take your fancy words and send'em Back home to your mama Break our foot off in your a** With our feety pajamas Man we'll cook you up And eat you with some ham and green eggs We'll break offa your legs Make no mistake We in a rage All does not end well When we bust out our cage You gettin' upstaged Bill Yo, you just got played!