Zach Braff - Sam's House lyrics

INT. SAM'S HOUSE: FOYER [Sam and Andrew enter the house and her dogs and two large dogs hop on and begin barking at Andrew.] SAM Kevin, down. Mom! Come on. Kick him in the balls. Kick him in the balls. Mom! OLIVIA All right! Everybody down! Who wants to eat? Do you want to eat? Then get the f** off him. Kevin! Get off! [Dogs get off of Andrew and leave]. I'm so sorry. We just don't have the time to train them. Who's got the time to train them? SAM Mom, this is Andrew. OLIVIA Welcome. Welcome. I'm sorry the place is a wreck. Honey, I asked you to get the metal wheel out of the hamster cage. SAM I forgot. OLIVIA Well, you forgot and now Jelly's dead. Luckily, I got Peanut bu*ter out in time. We have to get the only hamsters on planet Earth...who can't figure out a stupid hamster wheel. There's a tin box on the kitchen counter. You can do the honors. I have to get to work. It's nice to meet you. Andrew, right? ANDREW Yes. OLIVIA Andrew. Very nice to meet you. Samantha, put the clothes in the dryer and bury Jelly. INT. SAM'S LIVING ROOM SAM So this is it. ANDREW It's nice. SAM No, it's not. Don't say that just 'cause you can't think of anything else. ANDREW I'm not. I'm not. It's... It's very cozy. ANDREW You guys are a little early on the tree though. SAM Yeah, we never got around to taking it down. When it got to be fall again, we figured, "Just leave it up." Oh, my God. You're totally freaked out. You're totally freaked out right now. You, like, can't wait to leave. ANDREW I'm not. I'm not. I like it. It's very nice. SAM Well, you wanna see my room? ANDREW Sure. SAM Hey. TITEMBAY Hey. SAM Titembay, this is my friend Andrew. Andrew, this is my brother, Titembay. ANDREW Hi. It's very nice to meet you. TITEMBAY Oh, it's nice to meet you. I'm sorry about Jelly. SAM Oh, that's okay. TITEMBAY I saved some mac and cheese for you. It's in the fridge. SAM Thank you. TITEMBAY Anyway, I'm late for cla**. It's nice meeting you. ANDREW Very nice to meet you. SAM See you later. INT. SAM'S BEDROOM SAM So here we are. It's nothing fancy, but you know... What? [Sam starts to clean her bed.] ANDREW Uh, it's... Titembay, right? SAM Yeah, it's weird, huh? You're, like, so freaked out right now. You're running for the door. It's okay. You can go. Don't feel bad. It's really... ANDREW Stop doing that. SAM What? ANDREW The whole thing you just did. I wanna be here. If I didn't, I wouldn't be. Trust me, my family is way more f**ed up than yours. Okay? SAM Okay. ANDREW So, Titembay. SAM Yeah, he's my brother. ANDREW Is he adopted or... SAM Kind of. My mom adopted him from Sally Struthers like years ago. One of those "For the cost of a cup of coffee a day" sort of things. Where she's like, "How can you just sit there and not help the children?" And we couldn't. We just couldn't sit there and not help the children. So we start sending him like pictures and letters and stuff for years, but then I got really into ice-skating, so we sort of forgot about him. Then one day we get this phone call and it's Titembay. And he's at the dry cleaners around the corner. And he's like, "I'm at Rutgers. I live in the dorms, but I'm used to living with my tribe so I'd rather live with a family." And he's been living with us ever since. ANDREW Wow. SAM Yeah. I know. He's the most amazing guy. You gotta hear his stories. He struggled through so much because he wanted to learn. When I think of what he's accomplished, I just...I just feel, like, lazy. You know? He's studying criminal justice at Rutgers, and when he was a baby, he was one of those kids with, like, the flies all over his face. ANDREW Wow. SAM I mean, i-it's a crazy story. Yeah, I know. I mean, that's a true story. I am not that good. This is Tickle. What is Tickle? Tickle's my favorite thing in the whole world. It's all that's left of Nanny, my blanket. Tickle's all that remains. ANDREW Mm-hmm. Was there like a hurricane or something? SAM Shut up. No, I mean, I've had this since I was a baby. It's what they brought me home in from the hospital. ANDREW It's like the Wailing Wall. SAM What? ANDREW Uh, the Wailing Wall is like this, uh...It's like the most holy place For Jews to go and pray in Israel. It's all that's left of this enormous temple that was destroyed by the Romans. SAM So you're like really Jewish. ANDREW What? SAM You are, aren't you? You are. ANDREW No, I'm not. l-I'm Jewish, but I'm not really Jewish. I don't do anything Jewish. I don't go to temple or anything. But I don't know any Jews that go to temple. The Jews I know, they go on one day. It's Yom Kippur, the Day of Repentance. SAM Okay. ANDREW Did you know that most temples are built with moveable walls? So that on the one day of the year when everyone comes to repent, they can actually make the room big enough to hold everyone? SAM I don't really believe in God. ANDREW Just Tickle? SAM Oh, I believe in Tickle. We're not gonna make out or anything. ANDREW What? SAM I'm sorry. I just totally ruined that moment, didn't I? ANDREW No, no. SAM It's just that we're not gonna make out, okay? ANDREW Oh, no, I hadn't planned on trying… SAM Oh, my...I am so lame. That was like really... I am... I'm sorry. Forget I just said that. I am... That was dumb. And... You know what I do when I feel completely unoriginal? ANDREW What? SAM ♫ La, blah, blah Blah, la, la ♫ I make a noise or I do something that no one has ever done before. And then I can feel unique again even if it's only for like a second. ANDREW So, no one's ever done that? SAM No, not in this spot. No. You just witnessed a completely original moment in history. It's refreshing. You should try it. ANDREW Oh, no. Thanks. SAM No, come on. ANDREW I think that was good enough for both of us. SAM Come on. What are you, shy? This is your one opportunity to do something that no one has done before and that no one will copy again throughout human existence. A-And if nothing else, you'll be remembered as the one guy who-ever did this. This one thing. ANDREW Uh...How was that? SAM Oh, I've done that one before.