X - My Struggle lyrics

I often wonder why i'm still alive,- I don't even care if i die tommorow or if i will survive,- Perhaps i should just get over it but i feel like movin' on is pointless 'cause i ain't gonna get anywhere,- Just hopin' there'll come a time when sh** can be fair- When i collaborate with friends 'n we split 'n we share- For that i try to get fit 'n preepare-so i can be unique when i spit 'n be rare- But i'm livin' in a time when even the best kin- (kin-can) Go their entire careers without achievin' success 'n- So they grieve in a mess 'n-start bein' depress when- (depressed when) Nothin' in their lives is goin' right to the point they don't even believe in a blessin',- But still they try relievin' the stress 'n- I'd be lyin' if i said this ain't ever happened beefore,- But i'm contemplatin' quittin' writin' songs 'cause i don't wanna rap anymore,- And it's just that sh** happen's'o much,- 'n it's gotten to the point i just wanna quit rappin' so much I have no confidence 'n lack motivation wishin' i had ambition,-but i have a mission,- I wanna contribute to society with my music but i'm afflicted by writer's block sufferin' from avolition,- Livin' recluse in my mom's sh**ty apartment like i don't even have a vision,- Or plans for my future like i'm suicidal constantly makin' bad decision-after bad decision,- With true ill sk** i try to be real when i spit I act like i can't be touched but the irony is i ain't even feelin' my sh** I know i'm sick 'n i try to get better but i'm under constant duress to improve my material so i'ma probably be under pressure 'till when i quit,- 'n it's pushin' me the point where i go insane 'n crazy,- 'n my mind begins growin' blank 'n hazy,- I've lost confidence in my writin' sk**,-i keep tryin' still-but i've lost the fightin' will- So i cry intil- (intil - until) I fall asleep 'n to top it off i'm always depressed 'n i've grown upset,- 'cause i havn't made it 'n become famous or blown up yet,- But french montana/____ has 'n i can't take it,- If he can become famous 'n live luxuriously off of bullsh** why the f** can't i make it?- Even though i know i'm lyrical when rappin',- /(lyrical still rappin'...miracle will happen)/ 'n writin' rhymes though i hardly make any effort to promote myself just hopin' a miracle can happen,- 'n i'm tired of waitin' for the opportunity to just fall in my lap,- I try to give it my all when i rap- But people just keep appallin' my crap- 'till i begin' to maul 'n i snap,- Then you retaliate 'n ya fall in my trap,- 'cause see noone's showin' mercy for me that's why i'm careless when i brawl 'n i scrap,- 'cause i don't give a f** anymore,- So i don't know what the f** you haters keep buggin' me for,- Expectin' me hopin''''i impress 'n satisfy you,-i am guessin' that is why you- Keep encouragin' me to make more'''music sh** 'n appease you,- But i ain't tryin' to'''make a'''new sick hit 'n to please you- Like i'm a slave man this sh** is pissin' me off i'm so sick of this f**in' sh**,- I'm stressin' out 'cause there's a high standard and i feel like i have to live up to it,- It's so bad it gets to the point where i just wanna give up 'n quit,- But inside i know i can't no i gotta get up 'n spit,- Sit up 'n get- To work my body's on fire like a flame lit up in it,- Still i'm so sick of this crap i'm so fed(fid)up 'n sh**,- But i'm turnin' my weakness into a strength i refuse to let up 'n quit,- I refuse to lose it'i'll never submit(summit),- I'm the best to do it'i don't need a smash record or(uh)hit- To prove it'measure the wit-listen to my music'i'm the most clever to spit- You're stupid'if you think i'll ever submit,- I spit memorable punchlines even old timers with alzheimers will never forget,- I open up my chest 'n y'all get treasure from it,-i rap for the pleasure of it,- I don't wanna succumb to the pressure to spit- But no matter how much i deny it i feel like it'd just be better to quit,- But i got cheddar to get-though i feel unsure right now 'cause i'm under the weather a bit,- And it's gotten to the point where i don't even wanna make an effort to spit,- 'cause i stumble on every line i spit in each verse,- sh** hits the fan 'n everytime i wonder could my life get any worse?- I try to practice this sh** 'n reehearse,- ...but i don't feel'''the inspiration which i really lack 'n motivated,- I'm sick of these mainstream artists that are silly whack 'n overrated,- 'n suppressin' these emotions is frustratin'-'n i know i'm just hatin'- But i'm frustrated,-i feel like i'm dyin' but i'm tenaciously clingin' to life i must make it- I wanna become famous i'm finally givin' a sh** now i refuse to just take it,- Pretendin' i'm ready when i'm just stallin' 'n buyin'- Time like i've already fallen i'm lyin',- On the cold ground where i've been crawlin' 'n dyin',- Just bawlin' 'n cryin',- I'm small 'n i'm shy 'n,- I'm scared but i'ma attempt to make it to the end i'm goin' all in i'm tryin',- To survive 'n to live i'm brawlin' 'n fightin',- To stay alive i'm maulin' 'n bitin',- I'll never give up i'ma continue scrawlin' 'n writin',- With all of my gall 'n my might 'n,- Even though i feel like i don't belong in this world i live in like i don't fit in,- I'ma keep goin' i refuse to back down now i won't give in,- I'ma hold my own spittin'-in my zone gettin'-my name known written- In history while i remain on my throne sittin'-and i've grown smitten-to the game so i won't quit 'n- I'ma keep spittin'-the deep written- Feelings inside me which i used to keep hidden- 'n let the world know my pain,- Not just so i gain- Money 'n respect but genuinely so I can show my strain- When i'm in pain,-'n the affects it has when i cry invein,- To relieve it even if you might think i'm insane,- I act like i don't care but i don't know why i try 'n feign- Or why i gest,-i just try my best,- So welcome to this introduction to my plight 'n trouble,- 'n this is just another one of the stories of my fight 'n struggle,- My struggle...(maybe echo struggle) ...