X - Hellbound lyrics

I'm lost i wonder where i should go,-i'm all alone-on this path unknown- 'n there's many before me but where should i go?-i don't know,- Which road should i follow?-i wish someone would show-me the way i should go,- Are there any signs?-i don't see any but i guess i'll just follow this path and see where it goes... This world is takin' its toll on my heart-it's so cold and so dark i wish someone would come save me,- I think i'm goin' crazy...i'm lost waiting to be found,-i search all over the ground,- There's no exit around,-i can't escape, i'm hellbound,- I'm f**in' hellbound,-i've been depressed 'cause noone picked me up when i fell down,- I guess I'm hellbound,-but look... I think god made a mistake when he had made me,- Now i'm mad crazy,- But perhaps i wouldn't be this way if he had raised me- But instead i was forced to teach myself 'n learn in this godforsaken environment which supposedly my dad placed me,- In a bad way see-... I was a normal middle cla** kid lookin' up to the high cla** in invy,- (invy - envy) I never thought i was special honestly practically anyone coulda ended up like my a** 'n been me,- A typical creature influenced by'''their society'''s envirements,- (envirements - environments) In my case i was surrounded by proclaimed bad influences affected by its depravity 'n self righteous ignorantly determined morals 'n preconceptions of'''fair propriety 'n violence,- So i'm real in'dif'fer'ent,- From most people so i'm always feelin' divergent,- 'CAUSE WHEN I WAS BORN INTO THIS HELLBOUND ENVIRONMENT I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A CHOICE,- ALWAYS TOLD WHAT TO DO BUT NOONE LISTENED TO ME IT WAS LIKE I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A VOICE,- I've always felt like there was'''no recourse fuh me,- (fuh - for) And inside it hurts me deep but i still refuse to'''show reemorse uh be- (uh - or, refuse to -refused to) Weak 'n pitiful so instead i start to regret everything that i do,- I break down 'n pray to god hopin' i die while i cry too,- Beggin' to be understood lookin' for people that see through''the hate 'n my view,- ('n my view - in my view) Someone like family i could relate 'n cry too,- BUT SEE AS A KID I WAS ALWAYS UPSET INHALIN' SECOND HAND SMOKE FROM MUM MOTHER'S CIGARETTES- (MUM - MY) BUT I HADN'T KNOWN THAT IN THE FUTURE I'D HAVE TO DEAL WITH SOME OTHER BIGGER THREATS,- SEE MY CHILDHOOD WAS DECENT SO IT SEEMED LIKE I'''WAS NOT CURSE,- (CURSED) BUT AS TIME WENT ON 'N I GREW UP MY LIFE'''JUST GOT WORSE,- Even when i believed in god i used to think that life just wasn't fair,- 'n i still do but now i've determined that god just doesn't care,- See to me god is like the f**in' air,- People say it exists but i see nothin' there,- And YOU CALL ME CRAZY 'CAUSE I DON'T SEE WHAT YOU SEE OR BELIEVE IN A GOD,- BUT I GUESS THAT MAKES YOU JUST AS CRAZY AS ME BUT SEE HE FOOLED ME 'N LET ME DOWN THAT'S WHY I'M NOT VULNERABLE TO THAT MANIPULATIVE DECEIVIN' FACADE,- 'CAUSE THEY SAY THA SEEIN'-IS BELIEVIN',-BUT I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IN-ALL THE sh*t THAT I'M SEEIN'- 'CAUSE I KNOW THAT LOOKS CAN BE DECEIVIN',- PEOPLE TRY TO PERSUADE ME CLAIMIN' THEY'RE THE TRUTH BUT I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE IN,- WHAT'S MY PURPOSE IN BEIN' HERE AT THIS TIME 'N PLACE 'N WHAT'S THE REASON?- What's the point of earth?-what's the reason for my birth?-what are all my sacrifices worth?- I really don't get it,-and your favorite male rapper might feel the same way but still he won't spit it,- /don't get it...rappers out there may feel same but won't spit it/ That's why i'm one of the most realest,-each song of mine still is-the illest-that's why the realest feel us,- Trapped in a jungle full of gorillas,- There are all types of people and y'all think i'm one of the nicest kind,- But i ain't in a righteous mind,- 'n i'm tired of pretendin' my life is fine,- 'cause right now i'm contemplatin' whether where i should call a crisis line,- I keep prayin' to god for hope but i don't see the slightest sign,- I search the streets for one but i can't find any it's like my sight is blind,- I'm all alone,-goin' down this road of life on my own,- With no other path to follow lost forgotten and unknown- I wonder when i die where am i gonna go?- Actually on second thought i don't wanna know,-'cause *CHORUS* I've had enough, i'm done, i can't take anymore,- God i've tried my best to be faithful but what did you forsaken me for?... I often wonder do you real'''ly care for meeeee? If I stop prayin' now will you still be there for me,- I'm goin' crazy without you but i don't need some silly therapy,- I'm losin' my faith please prove that ya love me,- If there's a higher place called heaven please prove you're watchin' from above me,- I'll devote myself to you but i'm only a human see,- I'll love you but i refuse to let you ruin me,- 'CAUSE I'M NOT YOUR fu*kIN' TOY YOU CAN PLAY WIT'''LIKE MY LIFE'S A GAME I WON'T LET YOU PLAY ME,- I KEEP CALLIN' YOU BUT YOU WON'T SAY sh*t'''YOU'RE MAKIN' ME LOOK CRAZY,- LIKE WHO THE fu*k ARE YOU TAKIN' ME FOR? I'M HURTIN' FOR YOU I AIN'T EVER FELT THIS ACHIN' BEEFORE,- IT'S MAKIN' ME SORE,-I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE,- GOD PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE fu*k DID YOU FORSAKEN ME FOR?- I'M GOIN' INSANE I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE IT'S LIKE I CAN'T EVEN TELL WHAT'S REAL OR FAKE ANYMORE,- What about these children that are raised without proper guidance?- Because their ignorant parents weren't prepared 'n so they're born into ghetto environments,- Subjected to criminal activity manipulation 'n violence,- They need you like i do but you still havn't broken your silence,- Atleast there's more information to believe in science- Than there is to believe in you tyrants,- TO YOU I ACTUALLY WAS COMMITED BUT I'M NO LONGER'''STILL DEE VOTED,- (DEE VOTED - DEVOTED) sh** I EVEN READ THE BIBLE AND BELIEVED THAT YOU REALLY WROTE IT,- I BELIEVED IN THE RIGHTOUS MORALS AND LOVE WHICH YOU INSTILL,- I USED TO THINK YOU WERE TRUE 'N REAL,- SO I'D PRAY TO YOU WAITIN' FOR A RESPONSE 'CAUSE THERE'S A PAIN INSIDE ME ONLY YOU CAN HEAL,- I'M ONLY HUMAN'''STILL,-I TRY TO MAKE THE BEST OF THIS SITUATION BUT'''I'M TOO SICK,- 'N I AIN'T GETTIN' ANY BETTER JUST SITTIN' IN MY ROOM ALONE LISTENIN' TO'''MY MUSIC,- (MIME MUSIC, I'M TOO SICK) SEE I KEEP PRAYIN' TO GOD FOR HELP 'N ANSWERS BUT HE DOESN'T ANSWER ME THOUGH I KEEP WAITIN' UNTIL'''THEY RESPOND 'N WONDER WHY,- 'CAUSE I'M LOSIN' MY FAITH IN 'EM MAN ALL I fu*kIN' WANTED FROM 'EM WAS THE'''GREATEST BOND 'N ONE REPLY,- SEE YOU REMIND ME OF MY'''REAL THIEVIN' FATHER,- WHO STOLE MY CHILDHOOD BUT NEVER TOOK RESPONSIBILITY OR HAD EVER BEEN IN MY LIFE BUT I KEEP PRAYIN' HE'LL SHOW UP THOUGH I DON'T KNOW WHY I'''STILL EVEN BOTHER,- ...'CAUSE AT THIS POINT I DON'T KNOW WHAT SOMEONE LIKE ME EXPECTS TO HAPPEN,- I USED TO PUT YOU BEFORE EVERYTHING BUT NOW I JUST PUT SEX NEXT TO RAPPIN',- ...I'VE SUCCUMBED TO FILTHY PLEASURE,-'N TEMPTATIONS JUST FROM THE GUILTY PRESSURE,- I'VE BEEN LEAD BY A FALSE PREACHIN' PROPHET,- WHOSE ONLY INTENTIONS ARE TO MANIPULATE MY ACTIONS 'N MY BRAIN SO THEY BENEFIT 'N GAIN LARGE HAULS LEECHIN' OFF IT,- (ACTION'S'O, BENEFIT LEECHIN' OFF IT) While i feel like a scared chicken whose only purpose in life is to be k**ed 'n'''be sent to the slaughter,- 'n the same probably applies to my sister who was born with severe deficiencies you must have'''resented ya daughter,- And for a while i've been wonderin' if you really care for me,- When i needed help the most 'n even now you aren't there for me,- People are thinkin' I'm crazy 'n suggestin' therapy,- All my thoughts are manifestations of heresy,- Why am I sufferin' so much while other people are livin' merrily,- Do you have no mercy to give 'n spare for me?- How come churches help other people but i don't get ain't gettin' charity,- People tell me my life is precious 'n i should savor 'n treasure it,- But everytime i'd try to enjoy it they'd condemn me for the way i did sayin' my faith would waver 'n pleasure it,- 'n to me i feel like i have no reason to keep celebratin' my birth ON earth which was one of my worse days,- Especially since i don't understand why i was born on earth in the first place,- Couldn't i have been raised properly or'''born in the higher heaven too?- 'cause the way i see it my only purpose on earth is to watch'''p**n 'n acquire revenue,- I just wanted to live peacefully in my environment and enjoy life but i didn't have a'''clue 'n never knew,- That there would be so many obstacles which i'd have'''too endeavor through,- (too - to) I'M ONLY'''A HUMAN BUT STILL- I THOUGHT YOU WOULD HELP ME BUT I GUESS I WAS JUST'''ASSUMIN' WHAT'S REAL,- LIKE OTHER PEOPLE BELIEVIN' THEY KNEW sh*t,- BUT I WAS JUST LOOKIN' AT sh*t THE WAY IT SEEMED TO ME MOST OTHER PEOPLE PERCEIVED 'N THEY VUEWED IT,- (VUEW -VIEW) JUST LIKE THEY WERE INFLUENCED BY SOCIETY 'N TAUGHT HOW TO DO IT,- But don't get me wrong i truly want to believe 'n have a place reserved for me at the'''top in heaven,- I don't wanna feel compelled to write a song like the ill mind of'''hopsin seven,- But i feel like this is somethin' i must do,- I've lost almost all my faith in you but you can redeem yourself to me by respondin' to this for my sake 'n THEN maybe i'll trust you,- So if you really care then scrutinize these words that i'm rappin' to you,- 'cause truly i feel like i'm a godforsaken animal trapped in a zoo,- I'm always on edge 'n it feels like at any moment i could snap into two,- 'n you can judge me but you don't know me if you don't understand what i've experienced if it ain't happened to you,- 'cause like i said i feel like a godforsaken animal born in a slaughterhouse just livin' to die,- I want to enjoy my life 'n do good for the world but i ain't even given a try,- I'm confused 'n beginnin' to think almost everything i've heard is a lie,- I'm trapped in this livin' hell wonderin' if in life is my only purpose to die,- These religions when they speak to you every word is to try,- To manipulate your influences 'n scold you- So you do what you're told to,- It's like they've controlled you,- They cajoled you,-they consoled you,- It's like you got the mind of a three year old too,- It's like almost everything you've heard is a lie,- They make you believe it's your only purpose to die,-after you service a guy,- 'n go to a better place in paradise,-but anyone with a pair of eyes- Can see for themselves if their precise-through their disguise- 'n their device-to manipulate the world 'n that there is no paradise,- (their - they're) But these fools that believe in a god are scared of lies,- 'n they're paralyzed-'cause just the mention of god terrifies,-'n continues to terrorize,- So i'm wonderin' if i should worship or beware of christ,- And their leaders keep enforcin' traditional religious values which they won't dare revise,- But i ain't fallin' for this'''true paradise sh**,- If the bible was truly written by god then show me the creature'''who verifies it,- So see i try to remain faithful but i'm so confused and'''hopeless i require a sign,- I refuse to believe in a'''sophist whose desires' malign,- I refuse to follow or to'''try 'n believe in the cults,- Lead by evil deceitful people 'n'''lyin' deceivin' adults- Also known as sophists,-their primary objective is to manipulate you for their cause 'n i know this,- That's why they're so pissed,- At me but that's it! I don't care anymore 'cause! *chorus, singsong voice* I've had enough, i'm done, i can't take anymore,- God i've tried my best to be faithful but what did you forsaken me for?... Do you''''real'''ly care for meeeee? If I stop prayin' now will you''''still be there for me,- I'm goin' crazy without you but i don't need some silly therapy,- I pray to you lord,-i need your support,- I ain't spittin' this rap just for an award,- Please tell me is i who you have always abhorred,- I havn't seen any signs in my life that prove that it is i who you've adored,- All these other rappers glorifyin' sinful activities yet they have things i've never been able to afford I just wanted to live a happy life with a happy family,- I never really needed this crappy damn money,- But now i can barely afford to survive this isn't how it was supposed to be,- And i've lost almost everybody who's been close to me,- I've become awkward socially,-this isn't what i wanted but this is who i chose to be,- I wonder if this world is god's wish of the bible or if this is just how man applied it,- Is it true that god manipulates or controls our fates 'n we can't decide it?- 'cause at this point i'm so confused questioning everything i just want the right answer but it seems'''a human can't provide it,- I really wanna go to this happy place called heaven but i wonder if it's anything like how i'''a**ume 'n fantasize it,- 'cause i know they provide an object like the bible 'n incentives to manipulate how will'''a human an*lyze it,- 'n it seems like bullsh** to me but i admit it seems so'''true 'n can't deny it,- (was above)and at this point i'm so confused questioning everything i just want the right answer but it seems'''a human can't provide it,- No matter how much i dispute it even though i think it's'''shrewd 'n despise it,- (was below ^) i looked at the bible 'n chose to read'''through 'n an*lyse it,- But it seems to me like people keep tryin' to cover up'''the truth 'n disguise it,- I imagine life in this world 'n it seems reasonable to believe an omnipotent bein designed it,- 'n honestly i wanna believe but god where's a sign sh**,-how long is it gonna take me even to find it,- Is heaven really the way the people have defined it?- I'm startin' to see through the big lie 'n the ulterior motives behind it,- So don't expect me to be simple minded-i cultivated the knowledge in my brain 'n refined it,- It's too late to rewind it,- But still i keep wonderin' if there's an existence that might'''be greater 'n higher than my bein',- I keep callin' out to this world's supposed'''creator inquirin' why we can,- Only speculate about rumors 'cause in the end that's all there'''really is to it,- Yet'''still we dispute it,- Is it all really just political?- Are these words literal?- I feel like i've been brainwashed 'n now i'm lost lookin' for my savior 'n it's pitiful I just want your all knowing suggestion,-i keep pilin' question-upon question- I wanna ask you 'n i really want an answer to 'em so i just keep guessin',- I'm too paranoid to a**ume i know somethin' but i wonder really who knows?- How many times people must ask you this sh** man i bet it's silly do those- Questions bother you? i wonder, are you my friend or if we're enemies at the end of this song will we still be true foes?- All i wanted you to do was help me live a happy life 'n provide help for me,- But it seems all you do for me is ignore me,-i'm startin' to think you abhor me,- I'm not tryin' to be corny-i'm just speakin' my mind,- And besides that there's really not much left for me tis say,- (tis - to) Except i regret this situation and wish things didn't have to be this way,- My physical and mental state's deterioratin' rapidly,- I look at life 'n wonder is this really how it had to be,- Such a tragedy,-but it isn't my fault god please don't be mad at me,- ....i'm sorry, oh i'm so sorry, i let you down. Miranda I let you down. Mother I let you down My entire family i let you down...i let myself down....i'm f**in' hellbound,*echo hellbound 3 times*