WWE - Feb 17th, 2014 Raw Recap & Review lyrics

Live from Denver, Colorado, announcers Michael Cole, Jerry “The King” Lawler and JBL The evening opens with John Cena coming out, pretty damned good crowd pop. Probably the best I've heard for him in quite some time. Cena tells us how dangerous the Elimination Championship and hypes up the main event prospect for batista. Cena actually mentions that people may dislike that he's still in the hunt for Mania main events after all these events. I'm honestly shocked. Daniel Bryan's name gets mentioned, a mini Yes! chant begins, during which a city of Chicago flag is shown being waved (f** yeah!). Cesaro interrupts with Zeb to let us know that he's the guy we need to be rooting for. Crowd boos. He says he'll become the face of America, which means he's heel. Shortly after doofus Sheamus makes his way out to boast. During which old man Christian mumbles on out, letting us know that he's going do some mean things at Elimination Chamber. Oh, oh, oh, Randy Orton came out as well. During his schpeel, Daniel Bryan bursts out, exciting the crowd. All six men participating in the Chamber are now in the ring. Maybe I'm just a bitter a**, but Daniel Bryan's mic sk**s aren't all that polished. Hell of a Yes! chant by the way. Corporate Kane comes on down to a chant from the fans, “You sold out!”. He let's us know he's in charge for the evening. He pits Cena vs Cesaro and Daniel Bryan vs Christian (now). Match #1 Daniel Bryan vs Christian (Singles match) Before a ref can come out, Christian beats down Daniel Bryan to the crowd's dismay. After the beat down, a ref manages to come down to begin the match. DB starts hot, but Christian comes back hotter, making it a point to work DB's shoulder. Christian pulls a very nice DDT from the top turnbuckle. DB shoots through the ropes with the Flying Goat, during which he slams his busted shoulder into the crowd barrier. Back in the ring, Bryan pulls some come back moves to some really good crowd pops. Watching Christian lurk around the ring reminds me that I think he looks like Sir Jorah Mormont. Christian eeked out of a Yes lock, DB works his way out of a k**switch and rolls up Christian for the win. After the bell rings, Kane announces to Bryan that he's got another match tonight, again himself. And that means right now. Match #2 Daniel Bryan vs Kane (Singles match) Kane continues to work against Bryan's already busted shoulder. Cole and The King express their frustration with Kane's shenanigans. JBL on the other hand loves every bit of it. Kane pulls off a really good suplex from the apron, before a failed pin attempt. Bryan shows resilience and gets in a missile dropkick. But Kane eventually comes back around and continues the beat down, really working the shoulder. The ref calls the DQ as Kane won't let up on the corner of the ring, technically DB gets the win, but at the hands of an a**-whoopin'. The Shield cut a promo, in all their greasy haired glory. They poke some fun at Dean and are show us that no matter their tomfoolery, they're all on the same page. Roman isn't the best on the mic, but his intimidation factor gets him by for sure. All they really do is continue to tell us they're gonna take down The Wyatt's. Match #3 Fandango vs Santino Marella (Singles match) We come back after commercial break, Fandango and Summer are in the ring. Santino Marella and Emma head on down. Kind of hoping the girls just face off. Unfortunately that's not the case. Funny side from the announcers: “You know the average male thinks about Summer Rae 9 times a day?” Fandango starts the match on the aggressive side. Santino comes back a bit, threatening Summer with the cobra. Emma interrupts and slams the living sh** out of Summer outside of the ring. Santino and Emma go for a kiss as Fandango slides in with a “f** your kiss” kick, pulls Santino back in the ring and drops some sh** on him then takes issues the three count. Mark Henry walks angrily through the back before being stopped for a promo. He's gonna induct Roman Reigns into the Hall of Pain! Shield's music kicks in and the Hounds of Justice make their way down to the ring. Match #4 Roman Reigns vs Mark Henry (Singles match) As Mark Henry's heading down, JBL f**s up and calls Roman's spear the “gore”. Henry starts the match on the offensive, highlighted by a big boot. Reigns works his way back with an awesome Samoan slam. That's a big man to be totin' in the air. Oh man, Reigns co*ked the superman punch, knocking Henry down. Lands the spear. Three count. Ambrose isn't impressed. He starts a**aulting Henry who is already down, Roman even asks “what are you doing?” and then of course the Wyatt's come onto the titantron. Awesome a** promo, continuing his extremely weird/creepy a** angle. Some really good back and forth sh** as the Wyatt's music kicks and they head down. They have another stair down. It's about as tense as you can get for a wrestling match. Very well paced hype for their match at Elimination Chamber. The Wyatt's again are the first to leave the ring. The Rhodes bros are playing with some Legos. It's pretty humorous. And then it gets funnier as Wade Barrett comes in and kicks their toy set over. Cut back to the ring and apparently Kofi Kingston and Jack Swagger are out there? Match #5 Jack Swagger vs Kofi Kingston (Singles match) Swagger opens up stomping Kofi into the corner. Kofi returns fire with some kicks and strikes. Swagger lands some wild a** full back suplex thing and continues to work Kofi. The fans start a “JBL” chant. Announcers don't take notice. And then the evening's first (at least noticeable) CM Punk chant. Dies out fast. Swagger pulls a Swagger Bomb in the ring. Is Kofi Kingston the only black guy in the WWE? Oh, R Truth. It's unfortunate. Kofi works back some high flying momentum, ending in a near fall. Kofi counters into the SOS and pins Swagger, but he gets a rope break. Swagger eventually gets the Patriot Lock in and ends up submitting. Swagger with the W. Before Swagger can celebrate as the official number one contender for the Intercontinental champion, Big E. Langston (oh yeah, he's black too!) interrupts and heads down to the ring and hell, what a time for a commercial? Match #6 Big E. Langston vs Drew McIntyre & Jinder Mahal (2 vs 1 Handicap match) Biggie works the first bit very well. As he's wrestling, Zeb gets on the mic and starts bothering him. It's pretty good stuff. He's asking Big E. what the E stands for. Then he says Swagger is going to beat him like the Seahawks beat the Broncos, major boo from the Denver crowd. Big E. works through it, at points getting the best of the two forgettables, but the numbers game comes into play. Meanwhile Zeb is still going, knocking Big E's history cla** failures. The two fellas pull a ma**ive double suplex on Big E. and he's visibly bleeding from the mouth now, likely a bitten tongue/cheek/lip. Big E. does some hustling in the ring, landing some clotheslines and a belly to belly suplex. And a double body splash. The straps come off! Double Big Endings and Big E puts away 3MB. Zeb silenced, begins walking back up the ramp. Big E. gets a mic and wonders if they make diapers big enough for Zeb. Alexander Rusev and awesome blonde chick! The hype continues. Commercial break, they're really blowing through matches tonight. Ron Simmons gets honored for Black History Month. Goddamnit, Mark Henry's black too, I'll eat my words now. Cena promo. He boasts more about the change forthcoming in the WWE universe. Like all the fresh talent, Cesaro needs to come through him, que Cena's entrance music. Match #7 John Cena vs Cesaro (Singles match) Cesaro opens the match with a rollup. Crowd does the usual “Lets go Cena - CM Punk!”. In the ring, Cena works at Cesaro. A couple of counter-counters. Cesaro escapes and reconvenes outside with his Real American posse. Maybe the crowd isn't yelling “CM Punk” like I'd hope. I think they reverted back to the “Lets go Cena - Cena s**s.” Cesaro lands a dope tilt-o-whirl back breaker. An uppercut and a stomp and a near fall. Cesaro keeps working. Alright, I'm definitely hearing “CM Punk” in there. Cena gets flipped out to the mat. Cesaro uses the barricade. Cesaro continues to have the upperhand and trying for a few more pins. Cena lands an awkward looking neck breaker. I really think Cena's on the up and up. He's wrestling better, I'm respecting his promos. Cena hurricanrana, Cesaro works back into a sleeper hold. Cena slams him back first into the turnbuckle, Cesaro instantly lands the clothesline and another near fall and anooother sleeper hold. Again back first into the corner. Some shoulder rams, eventually Cesaro attempts the big swing, Cena escapes, Cesaro counters an STF, Cesaro lands a backbreaker. Cena finally lands the sidewalk slam and delivers the Five Knuckle Shuffle. failed AA into Cesaro landing another ma**ive uppercut, Cena kicks out of a two count. Cesaro tries the swing sh**, Cena flexes them abs and cranks up and lands a huge DDT, tries to cover but Cesaro kicks. Cena goes top rope, Cesaro lands another uppercut, sending Cena down to the mat outside. Holy sh**. Cesaro pulls Cena from the apron, over the turnbuckle into a superplex. Another near fall. Cesaro does some trash talking, Cena manages to land the STF, trying to pull him back into the middle of the ring, Cesaro counters and finally gets the 10 swing on Cena - sh** that looks dizzying. Crowd chants “This is awesome!” Cesaro covers, another kick out. This match is tits. Cesaro flips out of another AA, lands an uppercut, Cena goes hits a huge clothesline. Cena lands the AA pins, wins. sh** yeah that was a good match. Best match in weeks, maybe sine Rumble's Daniel Bryan vs Bray Wyatt. Back from commercial break, Triple H and Randy Orton are having a talk backstage. Orton kisses some a**. Triple H reminds Orton that he's lost to everybody these last few weeks. As Orton interrupts, he's sh** talking Batista, who as it turns out is right behind him. Calls him the “a** of the WWE”, Orton backs away in shame. Del Rio steps in wearing a neck brace, warning Batista that he's going to break his arms off at Elimination Chamber. Batista gives his arms a glance and then shoves Del Rio into some electronics equipment. Triple H gives Batista the “what the f**?” look, Batista walks away. I mean, the shove was awesome and Del Rio wearing a neck brace is good. But Triple H ain't a wrestler, therefore everyone involved holds slim to no interesting, including their match build ups as well. Titus O'Neil seizes his opportunity and screams his a** off in a promo. Asking Renee to spell “Champion” she begins “C - h”, Titus cuts her off yelling “No, no, no. Champion… T-I-T-U-S. Champion.” It wasn't bad. Oh yeah, he's black too, I'm a complete sh**head for even bringing it up earlier. Match #8 The Wyatt Family vs Los Matadors & Sin Cara (6-man tag match) Well, the awkwardly timed commercial break causes Bray to f** up his usually on point candle blow out in the rocking chair. When he gets tagged in, he's vicious. And wearing some croc-like boots. The Wyatt's work the hell out of the same Matador (I don't know which is which, do they ever tell us?). Luke Harper doing the bulk of the damage. Sin Cara gets tagged in finally and brings some flair to the match - putting Bray Wyatt on the ground outside. Rowan saved a pinfall. Sin Cara gets the best of Luke Harper, who finally gets a clothesline in before tagging Bray back in. He taunts and lands the Sister Abigail. He's awesome. Match #9 Billy Gunn vs Jay Uso (Singles match) Come back from commercial to the New Age Outlaws giving their standard pre-match ritual. Coming out to spoil their fun are the ultra-unappealing Usos. They just need to stop this entrance sh** and wrestle - which they're great at. Both Road Dogg (sh** yeah) and Jimmy Uso are joining the announcing team. Uso instantly rubs me the wrong way ending a sentence with “dog”. Billy Gunn gets tossed out of the wrong, Road Dogg excuses himself and go helps Billy back into the ring. Jimmy makes some cracks at the New Age Outlaws' age. Flat out, Road Dogg is incredible at the announcers table. He completely steals all of the matches thunder. It's fantastic. Billy for the most part is outworking Jay. He goes for the Famea**er, Jay counters with a rollup and three count for the win. The Usos' personality really, really s**s. Jimmy kicks Road Dogg outside of the ring, they celebrate inside the ring. The champs walk on back embarra**ed. Sheamus cuts a promo before his match with Orton. It s**s. I can really feel the IRA blood racing through his veins. Match #10 Randy Orton vs Sheamus (Singles match) Just like last week, Orton comes out to zero reaction. By the time he's made it to the ring and ready to go, you're already bored to d**h. Sheamus comes out to a bigger buzz than expected, certainly bigger than Orton's. At least he's in the ring within 345 seconds. Orton stalls by pointing at the WrestleMania XXX sign. Sheamus grinds Orton into the corner. The crowd starts a 10 second CM Punk chant, about the time Orton slides out of the ring for a breather. Back in the ring, some headlocks, Sheamus lands a shoulder slam, Orton, expectedly heads out of the ring for about the same amount of time he's been in the ring this evening. The two trade strikes, Sheamus ending it with a suplex. Orton goes back outside of the ring. Sheamus this time chases. Orton uses the corner of the ring. They mosey their way back together, Sheamus bounces Orton off the announcing table, who hops back in the ring. Two count from Sheamus, misses a Brogue kick, Orton uses the turnbuckle post again. Commercial. Sheamus lands a German suplex followed by a clothesline sending Orton outside of the ring. Shamus uses the barricade now. Twice. Orton reverses an Irish whip, sending Sheamus into the steel steps. (Before this Sheamus slaps the fan of a hand who was trying to cop a feel - he was wearing a Lesnar shirt without sleeves, deserved the slap.) Orton goes for a superplex, Sheamus strikes him back and lands a “battering ram”. Both men go down. Orton goes… OUT OF THE RING. He begins clearing the table, Sheamus make his way over, Orton back suplexes him through the announce table. Which takes a second to collapse. One of the softer slams, but still cool as hell. The crowd agrees as they begin a “Holy sh**!” chant. Sheamus makes his way back to the ring after a nine-count. Orton stomps Sheamus a few times. Before the fourth stomp, he gets some fat girl to jump up and down in excitement. Sheamus tries a minor comeback, ending in Orton delivering a power slam, into a two-count. Sheamus gets some chest slams in out on the apron, ending in “vintage Randy Orton” landing a back breaker after wiggling out of a fireman's carry. Orton lands a DDT, using the second rope as leverage. The champ taunts the crowd some more, misses the RKO. Sheamus lands three back breakers in a row and pumps himself up. Before he can attempt the Brogue kick, The Shield slides in out of nowhere to abuse him. Cena instantly runs out. Followed by Bryan. Then Cesaro. The men are all goin' nuts in the ring. The Wyatt's promo starts and fu*k YES THEY'RE IN THE RING. Bray and Roman going to town on each other. Raw cuts off as everyone is still teeing off in the ring. Some great hype heading to Elimination Chamber. By the way, match DQ for interference.