[Verse 1] I'm a porter and a night clerk at the old Hot Rod Hotel I clean and scrub the lobby down and thirty-one rooms as well I wax and shine their boots and shoes I brush down their crinkly clothes And I meet the buses and trains and I show you to your door [Verse 2] Bell-bottom pants brought two boys in at 6:14 last night Two girls checked in at 10:02 and I flipped on the light The lamrod's wife looks in their doors and finds one terrible sight Those boys and girls got bawled up in their doors and rooms that night [Verse 3] A bloody flood could never mess these rooms up any worse It looked like Moe had used this room to grease and breed a horse Old gum and hairs and sticky rags, old bottles on the floors Gobs of spit and condom rubbers on the windows, walls, and doors [Verse 4] The lammy tried to make me clean out that crappy mess Or else he'd fire me off my job and let me starve to d**h I laid aside my polish rag and I downed my dusting pan And I've not seen the old Hot Rod nor that old town since then