Wise Old Owl - If Stupid Is As Stupid Does (2011: A Crack Odyssey) lyrics

2011: A Crack Odyssey Alright, this is gonna be one of the uh Stupidest stories you've ever heard in your whole life Are you ready? So this one time I was just getting off of work And I had to go buy a pack of smokes So I went down to the local late night gas bar In preparation for my evening tokes As I was strollin out There was a dude on the phone who called out to me He said: “Hey man, can you give me a ride somewhere It's kind of an emergency.” Now this dude He was a brother of mine And he was like 6 foot f**ing 5 He was pushin' 240 at least And he had the arms the size of my thieghs But I said sure dude Hey man Why not I'm not doing anything anyways So what does he do? He keeps talking on the phone Like the conversation never lost its pace But it appeared to me As far as I could see That the emergency was real Until he hung up the phone And he walked towards me Then I knew my fate was sealed Buddies eyes were like dinner plates I'd never seen anyone's more dialated And it looked like he was really f**ing agitated Like it had been ten years since he masterbated But it was too late now cuz the door was unlocked And he was already inside the truck And at that point in time in my life I didn't really give a flying f** So I said where to? And he said, “downtown.” And I said that's pretty far But he says “don't worry man I'll get ya high We'll f**ing hotbox this car.” So I said okay lets go And I turned the truck around And on that note We were started off On an adventure to downtown (If stupid is as stupid does I must be really f**ing stupid cuz I hang out with thugs And take tons of d** If stupid is as stupid does I must be really f**ing stupid cuz I hang out with thugs And take tons of d**) So anyways We're on our way On the highway to get high But I didn't really know what we were picking up And I wanted to know what where and why But I swear to God When I asked the guy He just turned away and mumbled And I said to myself Holy sh** man I hope this guy isn't troubled But we kept on driving And we kept on riding And we kept on keepin on Cuz if that motherf**ing crackhead had k**ed me I guess I wouldn't have written this song So anyways We reach the place And we're looking for a place to wait So what does he say? “Hey man Can I use your cellphone This motherf**ers late!” And to my surprise And I do mean that sarcastically as hell Buddies' dealer was at least as shady As the motherf**er smelled But the deal went down Cars pa**ing all around With a tension in the air Cuz as it turns out my buddy didn't think his cut fair... Oh no! So here we are We're sitting in my car They're bickering back and forth About a couple motherf**ing measely crack rocks of course But the deal went sour And somehow or another They ended up thinking I was a cop So it was either I smoke the rock Or get beat the f** up (If stupid is as stupid does I must be really f**ing stupid cuz I hang out with thugs And take tons of d** If stupid is as stupid does I must be really f**ing stupid cuz I hang out with thugs And take tons of d**) So now I'm high as a motherf**ing kite On a Tuesday night but its alright Cuz I survived Yeah I smoked some crack But hey At least I'm alive And then I had to concentrate on driving that motherf**er home But it goes pretty slow When yer going 40 or below in a hundred zone And let me tell you something else I'll never get that chemical smell Out of my car again It smells just like a f**ing crack den But I know that I am really lucky Cuz I never let that crap get stuck to me And I will never smoke it again So don't worry mom and dad You don't have to fret or get mad I know that it was stupid But at least I remained lucid Enough to understand my folly Jesus Mary Alkey Molly What the f** have you been doing upstairs in my head? What the f** have you been doing upstairs in my head? What the f** have you been doing upstairs in my head? What the f** have you been doing upstairs in my head? What the f** have you been.... KAOSSILATOR SOLO!