Waldfield - Bident lyrics

It's time for the second half After I left the grand hearin', feelin' like Atticus Finch Already makin' plans to bone half of the people on the bench I started to cold reminisce Wonderin' how my life ended up like this Well yeah, back in '99, researchin' at the library Ways for me to end the life of my satanic adversary Book after book, scannin' page after page Turnin' down the girls who flirted just so I could concentrate And then I finally find it I have to stab him in the eyeballs with his own bident Man, it sounds tough, but I guess i gotta try it I've seen where he hides it, by his poster of Miley Cyrus I call that fool when i get back (Are you callin' to apologize?) Nah, I want my 8-tracks Put 'em in a bag and I'll be there around four I ride to hell on the back of his manticore Aimin' it straight for the window of his home I jump down and roll out just a moment before it explodes And there he is, it's the Old Deluder Doesn't even see me cause he's looking at his computer I grab his spear and shove it straight for his back, yo It goes right through him, I was stabbin' at his shadow He's right behind me in his true form I guess I shouldn't have called that fool up earlier to warn 'im I spun around and tried to stab him for the second time But he'd put a curse on me, weakening body and mind Arms like spaghetti, can't keep holding the bident I tried to scream out but my voice was silent So I made for the door, all tryna retreat But I didn't have the strength to even stay on my feet Satan started laughin' like he'd soon be endin' me There's only one way for me to get back my energy I'd have to s** my own dick But my neck was too weak to lift my head off the carpet ("Damn, now what was I to do?") Then I remembered, I could cast a curse too I put one on him that would reduce his speed And on myself the curse of immortality So I could cut off my head and it'd still have autonomy Rolled it toward my dick and let myself go down on me Soon I was restored to full power But given Satan's speed I had at least another quarter hour So I did it again, again and again 'Til my headless corpse was glowin' like a Super Saiyan I gave him a blast that exploded him to pieces Coating the walls with his giblets and feces Phew, I guess I finally dealt with him forever But then I saw the pieces slowly slidin' back together Oh yeah, all the research I did I start scannin' all the pieces to see which ones the eyeballs is Pick up his bident, stab 'em like eleven times ("You's a dead muthaf**a") Now hell is mine Waldfield I rule over his dominion for a couple of centuries Sittin' on his throne while I hold my head next to me Forcin' all my minions to have s** with me But it ain't stressin' me, because I had a vasectomy This job has got some perks, but the work starts to bother me Levyin' the taxes, and draftin' foreign policy And all those meetings that I have to attend I spend the time watchin' the clock, like, when will this end Man, I could give a f** if hell is runnin' at a profit How about y'all have a bake sale, and I'll bomb it I can't get why Satan wanted this gig I start to miss earth, and teachin' the kids Satan, you want it, you can have your hell back I go up to his room and cold resurrect his a** I'm done, and I'ma make a clean break I put my head on my neck, and secure it with tape Back to earth with me, back to teachin' all the teens Until one day, when a committee wants to see me