W.S. Gilbert - You Are Too Tender-Hearted (Dialogue) lyrics

[FREDERIC, spoken] Well, then, it is my duty, as a pirate, to tell you that you are too tenderhearted. For instance, you make a point of never attacking a weaker party than yourselves, and when you attack a stronger party you invariably get thrashed. [KING, spoken] There is some truth in that. [FREDERIC, spoken] Then, again, you make a point of never molesting an orphan! [SAMUEL, spoken] Of course: we are orphans ourselves, and know what it is. [FREDERIC, spoken] Yes, but it has got about, and what is the consequence? Every one we capture says he's an orphan. The last three ships we took proved to be manned entirely by orphans, and so we had to let them go. One would think that Great Britain's mercantile navy was recruited solely from her orphan asylums – which we know is not the case. [SAMUEL, spoken] But, hang it all! you wouldn't have us absolutely merciless? [FREDERIC, spoken] There's my difficulty; until twelve o'clock I would, after twelve I wouldn't. Was ever a man placed in so delicate a situation? [RUTH, spoken] And Ruth, your own Ruth, whom you love so well, and who has won her middle-aged way into your boyish heart, what is to become of her? [KING, spoken] Oh, he will take you with him. [FREDERIC, spoken] Well, Ruth, I feel some difficulty about you. It is true that I admire you very much, but I have been constantly at sea since I was eight years old, and yours is the only woman's face I have seen during that time. I think it is a sweet face. [RUTH, spoken] It is – oh, it is! [FREDERIC, spoken] I say I think it is; that is my impression. But as I have never had an opportunity of comparing you with other women, it is just possible I may be mistaken. [KING, spoken] True. [FREDERIC, spoken] What a terrible thing it would be if I were to marry this innocent person, and then find out that she is, on the whole, plain! [KING, spoken] Oh, Ruth is very well, very well indeed. [SAMUEL, spoken] Yes, there are the remains of a fine woman about Ruth. [FREDERIC, spoken] Do you really think so? [SAM, spoken] I do. [FREDERIC, spoken] Then I will not be so selfish as to take her from you. In justice to her, and in consideration for you, I will leave her behind. [KING, spoken] No, Frederic, this must not be. We are rough men, who lead a rough life, but we are not so utterly heartless as to deprive thee of thy love. I think I am right in saying that there is not one here who would rob thee of this inestimable treasure for all the world holds dear. [ALL, spoken] Not one! [KING, spoken] No, I thought there wasn't. Keep thy love, Frederic, keep thy love. [FREDERIC, spoken] You're very good, I'm sure. [KING, spoken] Well, it's the top of the tide, and we must be off. Farewell, Frederic. When your process of extermination begins, let our d**hs be as swift and painless as you can conveniently make them. [FREDERIC, spoken] I will! By the love I have for you, I swear it! Would that you could render this extermination unnecessary by accompanying me back to civilization! [KING, spoken] No, Frederic, it cannot be. I don't think much of our profession, but, contrasted with respectability, it is comparatively honest. No, Frederic, I shall live and die a Pirate King.