Voltaire - The Straight Razor Cabaret lyrics

In a café On the Champs-Élysées I saw a girl the other day I was beguiled 'Til I saw her smile It was a gash across her face Not long ago, she found that she was alone So she wandered into the vaudeville show She should've known it'd be bad, She saw the name that it had: The Straight Razor Cabaret The first act was a stripper And the host looked like Jack the Ripper But the audience was dreary So he slashed them smiles from ear to ear He used a straight razor, 'Cause he's a face-raper And there's nothing he hates more Than a stick in the mud And if he tells a joke, You better laugh 'til you choke At the Straight Razor Cabaret When I went down to Camden Town I saw a man reading the Bible I won't in haste describe his face For I might be sued for libel Not long ago, he found that he was alone So he wandered into the vaudeville show He should've known he'd be maimed When he discovered the name: The Straight Razor Cabaret While a strumpet stroked a donkey The host juggled five dead monkeys But the audience was snobs So he took a knife right to their gobs He used a straight razor, 'Cause he's a face-raper And there's nothing he hates more Than a stick in the mud And if he does a trick You better laugh until you're sick At the Straight Razor Cabaret They call him straight razor 'Cause he's a face-raper, And there's nothing he hates more Than a stick in the mud If he pulls a gaffe You better bloody up and laugh, At the Straight Razor Cabaret At the Straight Razor Cabaret At the Straight Razor Cabaret